There is no way to describe how hard of an experience writing this book has been. It is forever two steps forward and two steps back. As a former magazine publisher and current owner of a marketing company when I was given this opportunity I jumped at it! I had studied several options such as self-publishing, getting signed by a publishing company or a combination of both. Ultimately when I made it to the third interview with a reputation of solid publishing, unlimited marketing, a retainer, and all the bells and whistles I was so honored that I said, “sign me up”!
I have a unique story to tell about a hereditary disease that has plagued my entire life, and now at least I have some answers! No immediate cures for me in sight, but answers. My consulting firm was able to be successful because healthcare is a hot topic right now and coupled with my magazine, MD News, I was suddenly the expert that I knew nothing about! A small obstacle, right? In my mission to get answers about not only my body, I needed to find out what had happened to my mind.
This journey began Wednesday, March 26, 2014, with a trained Neurologist. I went through four hours of testing. The results were given to me by a brilliant doctor who had studied my very complex medical history, and now my mind. I remember sitting in his office thinking why does he now have a new female doctor in the room?
What I was about to hear was going to rock my world and I guess the female was there for additional support. Without revealing too much I was told I had four different diseases of the mind. As they began to explain why I feel and do the things I do, as well as clinical answers for short-term memory loss, I put my hands in my head and just cried. I do not play the victim role well. The Neurologist said he knew I had the means to take a year off, and for the first time in my 42 years make it my mission to find a plan with the help of a long time, very trusted primary care physician who had always been my centerpiece and juggled all the specialists I now require. With only one child left at home to raise through High School maybe this was the right time. I would like to tell you I jumped on it like white on rice, but I didn’t. I was ashamed. What would people think? How can you keep the mask on to protect your husband, the love of your life, the man that recognized the symptoms and ultimately saved my life? The blood disease was bad enough. The horrific bouts of pain were bad enough. The fact that every disposable part of my body had been removed was bad enough. How could I go home and show him this report?
I really still didn’t understand all of it. To me, it was like – Dear Dr. T we regret to tell you that your wife has gone crazy, but good news we now know what it is!!!! I had to have a plan, so I just started writing. Writing about how hard it is to laugh, smile, and be the person I am supposed to be without angry. Oh, yes, I am furious. I wanted blood from every surgeon that put me under the knife just to put a band-aid the problem and not find a solution. I was mad as hell at my family for not putting on their thinking caps and questioning these doctors and surgeons as to why this keeps happening? I was tired, exhausted in the interim of these surgeries at low blood levels and extreme fatigue, but I still did my job as a wife, a mother, a business woman, a big sister, and a daughter. All these years I had blamed myself for being a procrastinator and lazy. Looking back on it and in the positive words of the neurologist, I was a fighter, giving up cdd2A43was not an option, and with the use of only 30 percent of my brain I had accomplished a lot, and I was smarter than I ever dreamed I was.
Was writing a book really taking a year off? Was being under the extreme pressures of deadlines, and red lined word documents taking a year off? No, it’s not. What plan could I put together to produce a schedule that would allow me a strict diet, a strict exercise routine, a strict rest period, and still raise my youngest son, be a good wife to the man I adore who does save lives in his career? I still didn’t know. However, my extensive background in pharmacy would be the first step.