Here she goes again!

The deadline was at Midnight, Sunday the 23rd.  As you can see I am struggling!  I am really focusing on “keeping it real’, but I am also focusing on not writing a medical journal.

The disease that plagued my entire life, has also saved my life.  It’s very hard to produce a timeline of events, how I somehow made it through them, and how my life is forever changed, but so much was lost.

 

Chapter secosmopolitan-282993_1920.jpgven is the most emotional part of the book for me.  Although I was already a mother of three, I was freaking out over the next surgery they told me I had to have immediately, and it  would forever change me as a woman who could no longer have any more children.  I knew I was blessed with the three I had, but was I ready to accept that I could never do it again?  I know it seems dark, but my friends were so supportive!  They came over and trashed the large supply of feminine products, and we partied over no more periods with  Cosmo’s!  I mean that was the proper thing to do!  Little did I know how bad the surgeries, yes plural, would go.  I can’t even think about that in this chapter because it just makes me so MAD!  How many more band-aid fixes for internal bleeding, blood transfusions, and passing out cold would it take to make these physicians and surgeons scratch their heads and say, hummm…..maybe it’s something else?  Do normal people just develop big cysts on their ovaries that burst into a fiery inferno?  I mean on a regular basis! I just remember being so tired.

The worst part was that I was doing EVERYTHING to get my life in order.  I don’t know that I was doing it all to completion of great results, but I was doing it.  I was constantly feeling guilty over not giving everything 100% of my attention.  I was in extreme pain two weeks out of the month!  My maternal grandmother, my MeMa was the only one who understood.  She didn’t tell me it would get better, she didn’t tell me don’t take the pain medication, she didn’t do anything but listen and tell me how much she loved me, how much she believed in me.  It makes me want to cry because she is gone.  I loved her so much!  It’s times like this when I’ve been up for 20 hours, met a deadline and am now posting my blog, the finish line in sight, I can hear her saying I believe in you, I know you can do it!  So, now I am doing it!

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I also remember the guilt.  The guilt I put on myself seeing the worry in my children’s eye’s, why is Mommy sick again?  My ex was a fantastic help and graciously offered to keep them extra time while I was hospitalized for ten days over a procedure that the Doctor’s said would only be 48 hours.  Obviously, my Mom helped with my boys and even took me to our river home so I could rest and get the pain under control.  I was so exhausted I slept most of the time but she really took care of me, feed me, and made sure I was comfortable.  Thank you, Mom, for always loving me so much.  I have scared you so many times.  Again, the guilt, of putting the people you love the most through so much worry was the harder than the 18+ belly surgeries.  My oldest son, my hero, always by my side.  Our love was the strongest of all.

Fret not, dear readers, our fair maiden gets through it, fights through it, and picks herself up and get’s moving.  In this chapter we are introduced to my mentor, I have always looked up to Giraffe’s. This great leader and ultimate motivator of starting my own business has not been given his release yet, but I’m sure he will.  This great writer will probably endorse the book!  He has a great amount of power, and he was about to meet his new project.  Pay it forward if you can in your life.  It always comes back.  I’m a walking talking example of it.

Moving on…Oh the places we will go!

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I am pleased to report that I have finally picked up some momentum and we may see this book before 2017!  I’m only joking.  I do think we will meet the 2/2015 deadline, however, I doubt the marketing and everything that must be done happens on time due to our ski trip out West in February so we are looking at a release date of March 2015.  I know everyone keeps asking and it is nice that friends and family are thinking of me – but the pressure is building!  There are times when I’m just at a loss for words.  Hello, Ghostwriter?  She does remind me that this is my story, my life, my desire to educate others in navigating through our healthcare system, and hopefully the reader hears my voice, and not hers.  I’m on board with that, however honestly there are days that I am staring at the screen!  I like to think I can be comical in the telling of this story.  Do I think I will be the next James Patterson?  No, at this point I’d settle for Dr. Seuss!

I do believe with a passion that my life is better given this experience.  Although re-living it is hard, it does serve a purpose!  My family and I are so much closer than we have ever been, and I feel so fulfilled as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, grandmother and friend.  It is the best feeling to be present in life, to love, to laugh and to give back to those who have given so much to me.  Also, close those doors that just aren’t good for you.  You may have to deal with certain people for business or children the important thing is when it’s over, don’t dwell on it!  It was probably not as great as you built it in your mind anyway, otherwise wouldn’t you still be doing it? “I haven’t got time for the pain”.

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For those that a procrastinating fitness, I encourage you to “Just Do It”!  This was the greatest Nike shoe’s slogan.  I know I am in trouble come this Thursday at my weigh-in at my doctor’s office, I did not intend on losing this much weight!  I am eating, this is for sure, I just cut out a lot of the bad foods.  Most of what I eat now is organic fruit, vegetables, protein, and the occasional “good” carbohydrate!  Trust me when I say ladies, nothing tastes as good as thin.  Nothing helps your core, back, and pain levels than just doing the work.  You can believe I’ve tried every way possible to get around it!  The probiotics are a must, nothing makes your belly feel better.

Another thing that most women forget or don’t have the time to do is critical for our self-esteem – TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL SEXY!  Your body is a wonderland.  Go get your nails done, use the best shampoo and conditioner for healthy shiny hair, wash your make up off every night and moisturize, wear perfume, wear clothes you like and flatter your figure, have lots of sex with your husband, read your favorite book, make a new recipe, make random acts of kindness a habit, SMILE, do some self-reflection every day, and work hard at feeling good about yourself!  No one can do this for you.  Forgive people that have wronged you.  I know this is a tough one, it was very hard for me in some cases, but you will feel better about yourself and about life.  Before you know it you are looking at the leaves changing colors, and bouncing around to HAPPY music!  Carly Simon, Nobody does it better, makes me think of my husband!  Baby, Baby, your the best!

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I got a bad cold this weekend and ran a fever the last few days….YUCK.  I can no longer stand just laying around!  What has happened to me?  LOL…. I got grumpy.  I snapped at the EX for something really stupid, and I pouted!  After putting to bed Chapter five and six of the book, I instantly felt better.  Fever?  Gone!  I am realizing what is happening to me, I have taken on so many healthy habits that I was actually angry I couldn’t exercise or get things done.  Not half done and depending on someone else as existed in the past, but doing it all by myself!  It’s so tempting to put the mask back on, and self-discipline has never really been my thing. However, our masked Princess will prevail, don’t worry she will again “if given the choice to sit it out or dance?”  She will dance and drag as many people to the dance floor as she can!

Keep the e-mails coming…so awesome to hear your stories!