The deadline was at Midnight, Sunday the 23rd. As you can see I am struggling! I am really focusing on “keeping it real’, but I am also focusing on not writing a medical journal.
The disease that plagued my entire life, has also saved my life. It’s very hard to produce a timeline of events, how I somehow made it through them, and how my life is forever changed, but so much was lost.
Chapter seven is the most emotional part of the book for me. Although I was already a mother of three, I was freaking out over the next surgery they told me I had to have immediately, and it would forever change me as a woman who could no longer have any more children. I knew I was blessed with the three I had, but was I ready to accept that I could never do it again? I know it seems dark, but my friends were so supportive! They came over and trashed the large supply of feminine products, and we partied over no more periods with Cosmo’s! I mean that was the proper thing to do! Little did I know how bad the surgeries, yes plural, would go. I can’t even think about that in this chapter because it just makes me so MAD! How many more band-aid fixes for internal bleeding, blood transfusions, and passing out cold would it take to make these physicians and surgeons scratch their heads and say, hummm…..maybe it’s something else? Do normal people just develop big cysts on their ovaries that burst into a fiery inferno? I mean on a regular basis! I just remember being so tired.
The worst part was that I was doing EVERYTHING to get my life in order. I don’t know that I was doing it all to completion of great results, but I was doing it. I was constantly feeling guilty over not giving everything 100% of my attention. I was in extreme pain two weeks out of the month! My maternal grandmother, my MeMa was the only one who understood. She didn’t tell me it would get better, she didn’t tell me don’t take the pain medication, she didn’t do anything but listen and tell me how much she loved me, how much she believed in me. It makes me want to cry because she is gone. I loved her so much! It’s times like this when I’ve been up for 20 hours, met a deadline and am now posting my blog, the finish line in sight, I can hear her saying I believe in you, I know you can do it! So, now I am doing it!
I also remember the guilt. The guilt I put on myself seeing the worry in my children’s eye’s, why is Mommy sick again? My ex was a fantastic help and graciously offered to keep them extra time while I was hospitalized for ten days over a procedure that the Doctor’s said would only be 48 hours. Obviously, my Mom helped with my boys and even took me to our river home so I could rest and get the pain under control. I was so exhausted I slept most of the time but she really took care of me, feed me, and made sure I was comfortable. Thank you, Mom, for always loving me so much. I have scared you so many times. Again, the guilt, of putting the people you love the most through so much worry was the harder than the 18+ belly surgeries. My oldest son, my hero, always by my side. Our love was the strongest of all.
Fret not, dear readers, our fair maiden gets through it, fights through it, and picks herself up and get’s moving. In this chapter we are introduced to my mentor, I have always looked up to Giraffe’s. This great leader and ultimate motivator of starting my own business has not been given his release yet, but I’m sure he will. This great writer will probably endorse the book! He has a great amount of power, and he was about to meet his new project. Pay it forward if you can in your life. It always comes back. I’m a walking talking example of it.