Having a hard time getting into the spirit of things this year! I think this has to do with so much pressure to do so many things that I feel like a pressure cooker! Am I writing? Yes, and no. I am re-writing, re-writing, and re-writing. When I first signed on to this journey I felt the need to edit every word and to make it SOUND like me. My ghostwriter being from an entirely different world had a rough time with this. Her advice was to keep these blogs as much about ME, and my family so that by the time the book comes out perhaps they remember hearing the name. I thought the idea was good for a different reason, you will “hopefully” be reading her words, but I insist that you hear my voice and remember the reason why the story was so important to tell.
Hereditary blood diseases can be mean a ton of unnecessary surgeries, it can mean huge fatigue, it can mean death, especially if you are unaware that you have one. My greatest hope is the book empowers people to behave like blood hounds and take the time to get to know your family medical history. You would not believe how important a through medical history is, and how much money it will save you if you can put it all together. Some blood tests are not routine, so in order to identify what is going on, you have to dig deeper and get the help of a really good Hematologist! If it goes on long enough misdiagnosed as it did for me for YEARS (41 to be exact), you are in serious trouble. Surgeries that would be considered normal and easy to recover from will not be the same for you. Complications will happen, you will be extremely fatigued, and your mind will start to go COO COO for COCO Puffs on you! I remember thinking what the hell is wrong with me? Why, do I feel like this? Granted in my particular situation, there was some Neurology that needed to be addressed too, but I couldn’t help but wonder would I have gone to such a dark place mentally and emotionally if I simply had some answers? I really don’t think I would have. I am a fighter in the ring, and a cheerleader on the side for others. Giving up has never been an option, and I wasn’t going to start then or now.
You see when you become a Mother at 19 years old, it’s not all about you anymore. This fact alone has probably saved my life more than anything else. When you look at those adorable faces you just can’t think about you first anymore. There will come a time when that can happen, and if you waited until you finished college, worked at a job or knew yourself first maybe you have the upper hand. I didn’t. The honest truth is I had no idea who I was. I had been wearing the mask so long, I let others figure it out for me. I didn’t trust myself enough, so I always thought everyone else was right. It wasn’t until everything was revealed to me that I started on the journey of who is Stephanie? A rebirth occurred that blew my mind and I was so happy it did! I think my children would agree with this as well!
Happy Carter is coming in the front door and that’s where I want to be, so, maybe we will finish this chat later. A thought occurred to me at 1:00 a.m., but I could not drag my tail out of bed or sit up to write about it, but I’m going to so look out! Young, passionate, let’s never wear clothes love, and responsible adult, secure love. Is it possible to have both? I think you will be surprised at what I have to say!
– Wearing the mask this week – Stephanie