After doing it the wrong way a few times, okay several times, here is my two cents and what I have learned.
The EARLY Years – Pick the Good kinda goofy,sort of good looking, BUT selfish guy. You want out of your current situation right? NO! You only think you do. Your nineteen years old, get a job, go to school, but don’t get pregnant and marry this guy. He is building HIS career, and you will be home alone raising a baby by yourself! Avoid this at all costs! Tip– Birth control does not work when you are on antibiotics for strep-throat! This guy or any guy is not the guy you are going to spend your life with! I know I will get emails saying I did this and it worked out great! Okay, if it worked out great than send me your joint tax return and we shall see how great it is! This guy is usually a control freak! He only loves you when you are barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, try and get a job and see what happens. He does not want to “babysit”? Babysit? Is it called that if this is your child too? How to get out – Call your Mother. If she says you can come home, don’t wait for her to change her mind, start packing your bags, tell Flyboy (aka – in The Mask of the Doctor’s Wife) you’re out of here! Go home and move on to your next mistake.
The Bad Boy – (still the early years) –
The bad boy is fun! He is cool! He doesn’t have a Driver’s license! How great, now you get to drive him everywhere including his ASAP classes, school, work, wherever, and you will love doing that in his cool car with broken door handles. Hey, climbing in from the other side is good exercise right? No, clearly not, but you can CHANGE him. You are so good that he will desperately want to change his bad boy ways and will no longer smoke dope and play video games. You love cleaning up after him, and your baby! He probably does love the baby. Babies are easy to love. More to the point, does he love you? Are you sure? Will he take care of you and the baby if you get sick? Are you supporting him while he finishes college and gets his career? If answered YES to that last question, don’t walk, RUN! You don’t know this yet, but until you value YOU, nobody else is going to either.
Sure, have fun with the bad boy! Have cocktails, smoke his weed, and enjoy life a bit. Don’t fall in love, don’t have his babies, don’t make excuses for him as to WHY he never thinks of you before himself, and for God’s sake don’t enable the laziness, clean up after him, and let him bump around life while you are trying to have a REAL life. He won’t change unless he is forced too, and if you are in nice girl mode (I was, in the early years) he will always take advantage because he has YOU, he knows you will take care of it for him. He won’t have a true career and ambition until something ROCKS his world. What probably rocks his world is another woman that is NOT always nagging him to pick up his underwear, take a shower and brush his teeth EVERY DAY, make up the bed, put your dishes in the dishwasher, etc…etc…etc… Great way to end up exhausted. This guy is fantastic for a one night stand, put him in that category and KEEP him THERE.
Your Husband, the real, the true LOVE of your life –
Is preferably older than you by more than five years. Men lack the emotional development that women naturally have. You want an emotional equal. You want a grown up. No video games for this guy, he outgrew those years ago. He has hobbies! By this time you no longer wish to be glued to your man 24/7, you want him to have other things to do! He has a career, not a JOB. At this point I would highly recommend a background check and his last five year’s of tax returns. If all goes well with that, this MIGHT be your guy! At this point you have more or less figured yourself out, if you haven’t no worries, you are the prize – he will help you figure it out! What else does he need? Notice I said need, not want, he needs to understand that you are valuable, a treasure, a once Princess but now a Queen in the making. It is important he knows that even though you are not going to try and change him, you might try and train him. Tip – Don’t say the last part out loud! If this is the guy all this will happen naturally. You’ll say, I’m hot – he will get out of bed and turn up the ceiling fan! You will say, I’m tired – he will let you take a nap! You will say, the new Coach Bag is out – he will give it to you for St. Patrick’s Day! (side note – you do not have to be Irish or Religious, however, all holidays must be celebrated)
This guy won’t need to brag about himself or his life it speaks for itself! You won’t need to worry about where he is all the time. You know exactly where he is. You should reciprocate this. He wants you, and he will get jealous. This is okay, at least he remembers your Birthday! Seriously any dude that is not a bit jealous is just not that into you! Here are some tips to stroke his alter ego without appearing obvious – 1. Wow Baby you look so good, have you lost weight? 2. You screwed in that light bulb with no instructions or anything, I love you! 3. I loved the breakfast biscuit and coffee your brought me in bed this morning! You are always so considerate. 4. The ski trip to Vail was so awesome, you are the most amazing skier I have ever seen! You have the greatest taste in picking these places out! 5. I know you love my hair a curly mess or either put up so for date night, I am wearing it up just for you! 6. The way you managed the contractor’s and the renovations on our home was pure genius, I love that my feet don’t get cold on the heated floor in the new (Princess) bathroom, Thanks for thinking of it. (Doesn’t matter that you mentioned it 800 times, it was HIS idea)
He votes Republican, he loves your laugh and will do just about anything to hear it. He REALLY thinks you look gorgeous first thing in the morning with messy hair, and no makeup! He looks forward to, and actually PLANS date night. He has a brain and will teach you all kinds of new things. He loves your parents and your family. He loves the dogs, and doesn’t mind caring for them. Kids? He will love yours but understand the boundaries of the word Step-Father. This is YOUR guy! Forget the mistakes of the past and if your pathway has not been yet found? Find it with reassurance that he will love you no matter what. There is a calmness in this. Drama is for kids!
Hope you enjoyed this as much as I loved writing it.
aka…Happy…Mask of the Doctor’s Wife