Grief….It really hurts every second of every day. Sometimes I can get through the day without crying.
I’m really angry. I really don’t want for this to be true. Some days, if I didn’t have work, I would rather just curl up in a ball and mourn.
He touched so many people’s lives with his happiness, jokes, tricks, and overall loving spirit. I’m angry because I just don’t feel it was his time to go. He worked at the same company for 18 years as head of their IT department. He was always available to help anyone who needed it. He was a natural giver. Every time something was wrong with my computer, cell phone, or remote control he would take my call and solve the problem! He loves his nephews and even let my son who was going through troubled times live with him. He gave money to others when he really didn’t have much to give. He showed me love, and compassion sometimes when I didn’t deserve it. Being 8 years older than him and 7 years older than my Sister, it made me the Mom sometimes. I now wish I had never complained about babysitting. I wish I had held on to him tighter. Tough to do with such a free spirit but I should have tried. The guilt is overwhelming. My husband is a Doctor, why didn’t we notice what was going on? Like most families, I guess you just pray that your gut is wrong. Probably my family won’t like this, but here goes, we have to talk about this.
He experienced with heroin, a bad batch that was laced with fentanyl. Five deaths occurred in a 48 hour period because of this. Virginia is the only state that does not grant immunity for the person that dials 911. Although I am very angry with this person and believe she does need to be accountable, that’s hard to do when you are using yourself. If she had called 911 right away maybe his life could have been saved.
My fifteen-year-old niece lost her Father, my sister and I lost a Brother, my Mom and Daddy lost a son. My boys lost the best Uncle who always made time for them. This is the cruelest punishment. Knowing I won’t see him this Thanksgiving or Christmas is absolutely unbearable to think about. We are a happy, close family and now we are no longer complete.
The system has got to change. This anxiety-ridden society that is keeping Americans overworked, overstressed, and self-medicating just to get through it all needs to change. But, how? By talking about it. By educating our children this new stuff coming into our country is not the weed we smoked in high school. Just beg your children not to try it. Tell them if they died, the whole family will forever be changed. Ask them the hard questions and become a detective to look for the signs. Stalk their cell phone and social media if you have too. Protect them, it’s your job as a parent.
My whole body is in pain. Grief will do that to you. I LOVE MY BROTHER TODAY AS I ALWAYS WILL. I refuse to let his memory die. The music below may seem inappropriate but it was the song that was playing when I saw him REALLY happy.