Writer’s block – cured? Maybe? Two steps forward!

Short and sweet.  Had taken fitness on to a to new level, and writing mostly at night.  This is BAD.  First of all not nearly enough calories, secondly getting all fired out up at night, leads to memory loss, extreme sleep during the day, NOT good lifestyle living.

Moving forward I will swear to be up by 9am, okay ten at the latest, work out, shower, write for a few hours, and then DONE!  Okay Mom, and I will eat too!

Two steps forward, its all a process!

Sunday blog deadline! Support our Army warriors, my son is a hero! Girlfriends to a man with kids – this is a MUST READ!

The Mask of the Doctor's Wife

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!  I know we did.  My Mom and my Sister are the cooking queens, and always make enough for everyone to take something home.  It was amazing!

The VERY best part of Thanksgiving that I am truly grateful for is being able to pick up my oldest son, and seeing him so well.  I am so proud of him and his motivation to move forward.  We should all take a moment to THANK our warriors in the military.  Coming out of that situation is not easy, and it makes me REALLY mad when people don’t treat them with the greatness that they deserve.  They come back with some real problems and are treated so horribly.  If someone had Cancer, you would be supportive?  Support the transition of our hero’s.  Kudo’s to Chickfila for giving him the chance as a manager, and he is rocking…

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Sunday blog deadline! Support our Army warriors, my son is a hero! Girlfriends to a man with kids – this is a MUST READ!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!  I know we did.  My Mom and my Sister are the cooking queens, and always make enough for everyone to take something home.  It was amazing!

The VERY best part of Thanksgiving that I am truly grateful for is being able to pick up my oldest son, and seeing him so well.  I am so proud of him and his motivation to move forward.  We should all take a moment to THANK our warriors in the military.  Coming out of that situation is not easy, and it makes me REALLY mad when people don’t treat them with the greatness that they deserve.  They come back with some real problems and are treated so horribly.  If someone had Cancer, you would be supportive?  Support the transition of our hero’s.  Kudo’s to Chickfila for giving him the chance as a manager, and he is rocking it!  I digress.  Myself and my youngest son picked him up had a wonderful Thanksgiving!  He also always makes me laugh!  We love to laugh together. I digress again.  Unless, you have been through it you will never understand what it is like to have a son in Afghanistan.  I cried almost everyday, especially in the shower not wanting to scare my youngest.  When he got shot, I was in the hospital myself receiving some rather bad news, and I think my heart stopped.  I always try to put on that brave face, and” I can handle anything type attitude”.  Trust me when I say, you cannot tough this out.  You feel so helpless as a Mother.  You feel like your heart will break.  In the book, I go into detail about what it is like to run a marketing business where you are expected to smile, laugh, and wear the mask of the Doctor’s wife.  I kept tissues in my glove box because a song would come on the radio and I would burst into tears.  We had several songs that we would blast on the radio together.  Having him at 19 was rough, but growing up with him created an unbreakable bond that most people just don’t understand.  He was my whole life, and then he was gone.  I remember shortly before he left, after visiting him in Hawaii, getting a letter in the mail from the Army wanting verification of this and that, and mainly I was his sole beneficiary. I lost it.  I cried for three days straight and couldn’t stop crying.  I sent care packages, and notes from his Brother’s.  Wanda at the local post office knew me by name, mostly because I was the only one in the post office line crying.  When he came home for a visit and decided to marry his long time friend and love I was so happy!  My ex….aka….flyboy… (his name in the book) called me and said you have to talk him out of it.  I remember losing it and saying our son almost died and you are worried about him getting married?  I wouldn’t have cared if he came home with an entire group of women!  He walked through the front door and I wrapped my arms around him and cried like the day he was born.  I was so happy.  The visit wasn’t long enough before he had to go back to Hawaii and was eventually(I’m being kind, they took forever, and it was terrible) honorably discharged with a purple heart. So, yes, I was very thankful this Thanksgiving, and will be for the rest of my life.  I won’t lie and say oh he came home and it was all smooth sailing….these things take time, and that’s OK by me.  Time eventually heals all wounds and I could not love him anymore if I tried.

My husband is a wonderful man and a very well respected physician.  I know he felt so helpless during that time.  He didn’t have the bond I did and all he could offer was his arms and his love to try and heal me the best he could.  I was so sick back then with a disease that didn’t have a name, I was still building my business and being successful, being a wife, and trying to raise my other two children still at home at the time.  Everyday was a struggle.  Everyday to get in the shower, prepare meals, raise my youngest who REALLY needed all of me, and unless you have been through this, you have no idea how hard it was.  I was so sick of people telling me, oh – get over it, or he will be fine, or why did he go in the Army instead of college?  I felt such anger, I wanted to punch out anyone who said this crap to me!  As Mothers, sometimes we just feel things about our children.  My gut kept telling me it wouldn’t be OK.  I was so scared all the time that perhaps I was TOO protective of my middle son who was growing up and needed me to start to let go.  I couldn’t.  My baby (now 15), I spent every single second I could with him.  I cuddled him, I did everything for him.  There was nothing he wanted for that I wouldn’t give.  I was taking care of everyone else, but me.

I just kept getting sicker, was in more pain imaginable, and at the time with no real answers than some herniated back disc’s, and degenerative disc disease.  Bring on the pain medication!  My doctor of 15 years put me on a pain management protocol so at a minimum I could handle my business and take care of my family.  He always told me there would come a day when I could concentrate on me, and I could change my diet, go to physical therapy, and really work on my core.  Luckily for me, he knew that day wasn’t right then, and he did everything to see me through it.  What primary care doctor takes a full hour with his patient?  For primary care it is a numbers game in order to make the coin.  He didn’t care, he listened intently and gave me such good care.  He juggled my other specialists, and he was in charge of my prescriptions.  Even during MANY hospitalizations, and surgeries, he took care of it all and did the follow up.  I’m sure he will sign a release for the book, then he will be revealed as the hero he was to me.

Changing subjects.  Today I picked up my youngest son from his visitation with his Dad.  Another thing I am very grateful for on this weekend of Thanks, is the relationship I now have with his Father.  We are civil, and we try hard to meet in the middle with each other.  This is addressed in the book, but I would like to comment on a few things that may help out divorced parents.  My EX has left his girlfriend…aka….demon from hell (as she is referred to in the book), for over a year now.  What a difference a year makes!  This woman attempted to make my life a living hell.  She abused my youngest son, and brainwashed my EX into thinking I was the enemy.  She tried everything she could do to take my place.  Even going so far as to do very uncool things like changing my children’s pediatrician behind my back, falsifying medical records, listing herself as the Mother on school forms, when she wasn’t even a STEP-MOTHER,changing parent-teacher conferences so we could not co-parent in their school, writing me nasty notes in his school planner, making fun events like soccer, football, and school events hell, refusing to be civil or use good manners and say hello at these events making my children feel like ping pong balls back and forth because we were never allowed to sit together for them, in court the judge had to write a very detailed list of Do’s and Don’ts for her because she would not respect my position as their Mother or the courts position.  Running her own EX out of town because she immediately made my EX their Father, knowing he had no choice but to accept this because he had other children in another far away state.  She did this to her own children.  My ex and I had shared legal and shared physical custody. He needed to rely on the bus system because of his job, so I drove them back and forth to school every other week.  I came home from my honeymoon to a subpoena taped on our door that we were going back to court – AGAIN so they could have pretty much full custody of our children because my youngest had been struggling in school, and I would not agree to a county summer enrichment program so therefore it was my fault that he was struggling.  My opinion on this was that he needed one on one tutoring,(which I ended up doing on my week) that I would pay for, not just a six week Summer program which was basically daycare with a plus for the Summer. Yes, I won the court date, AGAIN, and yes he had to pay my attorney’s fee’s AGAIN.  The book will reveal who this woman really is, not her name, but her character.  A drug abuser, proven several times, and several people came to me with the stories, slowly the kids started to unveil the MONSTER.  Unfortunately, once you have had shared custody for as long as we did, I practically had to catch her with a needle hanging out of her arm to prove anything.  Before I explain this next part, due to her “supposed” abuse prior, the judge had ordered NO CORPORAL punishment of my children.  THANK GOD A GOOD WOMAN WITH A GREAT HEART CAME FORWARD!  My husband and I were preparing for a weekend away to visit by youngest step-son in college for the weekend, and I got a call that rocked my world!  She was a neighbor in their neighborhood and their kids played together.  She called me and said, “You need to know what I just saw, your EX’s girlfriend banged on my door like a mad woman and demanded he leave the play date at my house.  Apparently, he had not made her aware he was going ten doors down (townhouses) because she was still asleep at 1:00pm, and he called his Dad at work to make sure it was OK, and it was, then I saw her grab him and shake him while screaming at him in the neighborhood and she said, you have to deal with me over the Summer and if you don’t I will make your life hell!”  Apparently, her son was not invited because of some behavior issues and so she lost her babysitter in my son and had to get up!  By the time I got over there my son was back over at her house and I dialed 911.  My son was so frightened by the consequences he would not confess to the police, but they questioned her and she admitted to it.  At this point the courts were closed and since my son wouldn’t talk to the police, I would have to get a restraining order.  So, I took my son, even though it was not my week yet. (we did week on, week off as shared custody goes)  Monday morning I was granted a temporary restraining order with a court date.  My son at this point had broken down and told ALL. Remember that gut feeling I referred to with my oldest, same thing applies here, I knew it, but didn’t have proof.  Now I did and I was ready for war.  He told the Guardian ad Litem, and the judge what had happened this time, and previous times and since she had been his live in girlfriend for 12 years (supposedly engaged, but I knew that would NEVER happen) the courts granted me full custody, and my EX would get every other weekend, some extra time in the Summer, and much of it was left to my discretion, and if he felt uncomfortable or wanted to leave, one call to me (they both had cell phones at this point) and he could come home. Being the mature adult she was, she decided to completely ignore him adn stay in the bedroom the entire time of his visits, THANK GOD.  We had a wonderful Summer together.  He started a new school, and was instantly popular and LOVED by the girls.  He even had a girlfriend by the middle of the year. He was monitored closely by the teaching staff, his counselor, tutor, and his Pediatrician.  We started reading the same books together.  He had always loved my husband, but their bond became amazing.  They hunted, fished, and even golfed together.  If Dr. T was going to the grocery store, my son was right there next to him.  We re-decorated his room in his favorite colors to represent his favorite football team.  We showered him with love, kindness,tenderness, and he stayed in counseling for awhile, but then he no longer needed to go. (For a full year, and the schools here are harder, the best in Virginia, and middle school kids, unlike his last school were not given lap tops, he was learning from scratch essentially, struggled but worked hard)   Turns out he is without a doubt ADD, and the beginning the next year he started medication)  When he started high school he became even more popular and was totally out of his shell, making good grades, participating in sports, has amazing manners, yes sir, no sir, does all the chores he’s assigned,and loves to go shopping and match (his FAV) Ralph Lauren t-shirts to his vans or sneakers.  He has begun his Sophomore year and is A/B honor roll and loves to think about his college career.  (Finger’s crossed, hopefully in medicine)  I digressed again, but he is my favorite subject!  So, I picked him up from his Dad’s house today and an old high school friend of ours, who my EX had been estranged from due to him speaking his mind about her, was there and they were eating pizza and watching football.  My oldest son had stopped by earlier and enjoyed the days events as well.  My EX and I had some money/insurance issues we needed to finalize and came to a compromise easily.  Our friend left and we decided to chat for a awhile in his new house that he is very proud to call his own.  I do not mean this in a condescending way so please don’t take it as such.  I’m proud of him.  I’m so VERY proud that he stepped up and said, NO MORE to this evil woman, and he still takes care of her children every other weekend, which is the right thing to do. You see, I forgave him a long time ago.  Not for him, but for me.  It’s empowering and my life although hectic at times, is so good.  I want the same thing for him because that means good things for our children.

FINALLY, A MORAL TO THIS BLOG.  Divorced parents – Do the right thing for your kids.  I was no angel at the end of my marriage having given up on someone who was unfortunately emotionally unavailable, and just realizing I needed more.  I needed a career to call my own, I needed sexy time in the bedroom, I needed the kind of love that grows stronger everyday, and I am willing to do the work.  GIRLFRIENDS TO MEN WITH CHILDREN – Be kind to your boyfriends ex-wife, she is the Mother of his children. You get to be lucky like I am and enjoy my grown step-children without the added pressure and responsibility!  You get to be the FUN parent.  You will look so much better to these kids if you respect their Mom and treat her with kindness.  You can secretly hate her if she is uncool to you, BUT NEVER let the kids see it, and its best kept to yourself anyway.  If he’s any kind of decent man at all, he may not say it, but will resent you if you say nasty things or interfere in something that is none of your business.  If he’s any kind of decent Dad and loves he kids, there will be a part of him that will always love her for giving him these treasures.  My husband, is the finest of examples.  He loves my kids, but he does not try and be the FATHER.  My children have a Dad, that’s his job.  Dr. T will readily admit that my youngest is closest to his heart.  He was only eight years old when we began our relationship, and only 11 when we got married.  Since he is 15 years older than me, he is worldly and wise. Since he loves me so much, he knows they are the key to my heart.  WOMEN WHO IGNORE THIS ADVICE – Your relationship is doomed, you will become “the demon from hell”, the old saying you attract more bee’s with honey could not be more correct.  Be secure in yourself, this woman is of no threat to you.  Their marriage is over for a reason.  Be the bigger person!  Be kind to her, respect her position as the Mom, and I would be willing to bet she will become your friend.  What more could you ask for?  You’ve got the man, and if all the sudden you get sick or you need to go out of town and want your man to go with you?  She will step up, take the kid’s, bring you chicken noodle soup and latest copy of Glamour magazine.  She will say have a great time on your trip, and she will only bother you during it if the house is on fire!  ADDED BONUS – He’s all yours when she has the kids – that means playtime for the adults!  Make the most of it.

That’s all for now, sorry to report that Chapter 7 out of 12 is still not a done deal!  What the heck was I thinking when I thought, as a former publisher, no biggie, I can finish this in 9 months.  Crazy talk I tell you!  I’m praying for that April 2015 release date.  Goodnight, or good morning, it’s 4:55 a.m.  I guess my midnight deadline was a dream.

Keep the e-mails coming!  I’m loving reading your thoughts.

– Stephanie….aka mask wearer of the Doctor’s wife…..

Here she goes again!

The deadline was at Midnight, Sunday the 23rd.  As you can see I am struggling!  I am really focusing on “keeping it real’, but I am also focusing on not writing a medical journal.

The disease that plagued my entire life, has also saved my life.  It’s very hard to produce a timeline of events, how I somehow made it through them, and how my life is forever changed, but so much was lost.


Chapter secosmopolitan-282993_1920.jpgven is the most emotional part of the book for me.  Although I was already a mother of three, I was freaking out over the next surgery they told me I had to have immediately, and it  would forever change me as a woman who could no longer have any more children.  I knew I was blessed with the three I had, but was I ready to accept that I could never do it again?  I know it seems dark, but my friends were so supportive!  They came over and trashed the large supply of feminine products, and we partied over no more periods with  Cosmo’s!  I mean that was the proper thing to do!  Little did I know how bad the surgeries, yes plural, would go.  I can’t even think about that in this chapter because it just makes me so MAD!  How many more band-aid fixes for internal bleeding, blood transfusions, and passing out cold would it take to make these physicians and surgeons scratch their heads and say, hummm…..maybe it’s something else?  Do normal people just develop big cysts on their ovaries that burst into a fiery inferno?  I mean on a regular basis! I just remember being so tired.

The worst part was that I was doing EVERYTHING to get my life in order.  I don’t know that I was doing it all to completion of great results, but I was doing it.  I was constantly feeling guilty over not giving everything 100% of my attention.  I was in extreme pain two weeks out of the month!  My maternal grandmother, my MeMa was the only one who understood.  She didn’t tell me it would get better, she didn’t tell me don’t take the pain medication, she didn’t do anything but listen and tell me how much she loved me, how much she believed in me.  It makes me want to cry because she is gone.  I loved her so much!  It’s times like this when I’ve been up for 20 hours, met a deadline and am now posting my blog, the finish line in sight, I can hear her saying I believe in you, I know you can do it!  So, now I am doing it!


I also remember the guilt.  The guilt I put on myself seeing the worry in my children’s eye’s, why is Mommy sick again?  My ex was a fantastic help and graciously offered to keep them extra time while I was hospitalized for ten days over a procedure that the Doctor’s said would only be 48 hours.  Obviously, my Mom helped with my boys and even took me to our river home so I could rest and get the pain under control.  I was so exhausted I slept most of the time but she really took care of me, feed me, and made sure I was comfortable.  Thank you, Mom, for always loving me so much.  I have scared you so many times.  Again, the guilt, of putting the people you love the most through so much worry was the harder than the 18+ belly surgeries.  My oldest son, my hero, always by my side.  Our love was the strongest of all.

Fret not, dear readers, our fair maiden gets through it, fights through it, and picks herself up and get’s moving.  In this chapter we are introduced to my mentor, I have always looked up to Giraffe’s. This great leader and ultimate motivator of starting my own business has not been given his release yet, but I’m sure he will.  This great writer will probably endorse the book!  He has a great amount of power, and he was about to meet his new project.  Pay it forward if you can in your life.  It always comes back.  I’m a walking talking example of it.

Moving on…Oh the places we will go!


I am pleased to report that I have finally picked up some momentum and we may see this book before 2017!  I’m only joking.  I do think we will meet the 2/2015 deadline, however, I doubt the marketing and everything that must be done happens on time due to our ski trip out West in February so we are looking at a release date of March 2015.  I know everyone keeps asking and it is nice that friends and family are thinking of me – but the pressure is building!  There are times when I’m just at a loss for words.  Hello, Ghostwriter?  She does remind me that this is my story, my life, my desire to educate others in navigating through our healthcare system, and hopefully the reader hears my voice, and not hers.  I’m on board with that, however honestly there are days that I am staring at the screen!  I like to think I can be comical in the telling of this story.  Do I think I will be the next James Patterson?  No, at this point I’d settle for Dr. Seuss!

I do believe with a passion that my life is better given this experience.  Although re-living it is hard, it does serve a purpose!  My family and I are so much closer than we have ever been, and I feel so fulfilled as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, grandmother and friend.  It is the best feeling to be present in life, to love, to laugh and to give back to those who have given so much to me.  Also, close those doors that just aren’t good for you.  You may have to deal with certain people for business or children the important thing is when it’s over, don’t dwell on it!  It was probably not as great as you built it in your mind anyway, otherwise wouldn’t you still be doing it? “I haven’t got time for the pain”.


For those that a procrastinating fitness, I encourage you to “Just Do It”!  This was the greatest Nike shoe’s slogan.  I know I am in trouble come this Thursday at my weigh-in at my doctor’s office, I did not intend on losing this much weight!  I am eating, this is for sure, I just cut out a lot of the bad foods.  Most of what I eat now is organic fruit, vegetables, protein, and the occasional “good” carbohydrate!  Trust me when I say ladies, nothing tastes as good as thin.  Nothing helps your core, back, and pain levels than just doing the work.  You can believe I’ve tried every way possible to get around it!  The probiotics are a must, nothing makes your belly feel better.

Another thing that most women forget or don’t have the time to do is critical for our self-esteem – TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL SEXY!  Your body is a wonderland.  Go get your nails done, use the best shampoo and conditioner for healthy shiny hair, wash your make up off every night and moisturize, wear perfume, wear clothes you like and flatter your figure, have lots of sex with your husband, read your favorite book, make a new recipe, make random acts of kindness a habit, SMILE, do some self-reflection every day, and work hard at feeling good about yourself!  No one can do this for you.  Forgive people that have wronged you.  I know this is a tough one, it was very hard for me in some cases, but you will feel better about yourself and about life.  Before you know it you are looking at the leaves changing colors, and bouncing around to HAPPY music!  Carly Simon, Nobody does it better, makes me think of my husband!  Baby, Baby, your the best!


I got a bad cold this weekend and ran a fever the last few days….YUCK.  I can no longer stand just laying around!  What has happened to me?  LOL…. I got grumpy.  I snapped at the EX for something really stupid, and I pouted!  After putting to bed Chapter five and six of the book, I instantly felt better.  Fever?  Gone!  I am realizing what is happening to me, I have taken on so many healthy habits that I was actually angry I couldn’t exercise or get things done.  Not half done and depending on someone else as existed in the past, but doing it all by myself!  It’s so tempting to put the mask back on, and self-discipline has never really been my thing. However, our masked Princess will prevail, don’t worry she will again “if given the choice to sit it out or dance?”  She will dance and drag as many people to the dance floor as she can!

Keep the e-mails coming…so awesome to hear your stories!

Chapter 5 is an approved wrap!


How many of you have had to re-live things in your life that were OK, good, great, terrible, horrifying, and yet you might feel like maybe you were your best self during some of that time?  If you can’t handle it, don’t write a book because you will re-live it!  As a young mother of two, when my oldest was in school, my toddler and I would paint, make chair rails with wall paper border, cook, clean, and plant tulips all over the yard.  We lived on a quaint ranch where wild flowers grew abundantly, and the tulip bulbs from Holland made our house look like a fairy tale.


Yes, I did cook.  They may not have been the greatest meals, but I cooked them.  Enrolled my middle son in a Catholic preschool, went to soccer games, stopped at the 7 for a slippery! (aka 7eleven Slurpee)  Young love is fragile, and you are always guessing and wondering if the fairy tale you had always dreamed of was present.  One day I will never forget, I was giving the baby a bath – he LOVED the bath.  He was always splashing and loved the duck wash cloth.  So, needless to say, I looked like a mess with hair everywhere, drenched with water and baby wash when my first love walks in.  He looks at our baby and looks at me and says, “God you’re beautiful“.  I remember turning to kiss him, thinking he never comments on how I look when I try, but here I am a wet mess and this is the moment?  If I could talk to that young girl again, I would tell her life is filled with moments.  Some moments that can seem so simple, are actually the glue that holds everything together.


Do I regret making the choice to leave?  No.  I think you can experience things for a moment, awhile, or a life time.  The knowledge that comes with it helps you make better life choices next time. Or you could know deep inside that there is a part of you that will always need to be a little wild, a little free, and the right person will respect that about you.  That’s real love to me.  Acceptance of the good and bad, whether right or wrong.  This is your hero.  He will save you every time, love you, understand every part of you.  He will make everything okay.  He will help you figure out who you really are, which is the greatest gift of all.  Then it will be okay for our princess to put the mask back on once and awhile. After all, who doesn’t love a little mystery?

New wardrobe a plus, being in pain sucks….

This is not necessarily how our “mask girl” ends up so it’s okay to share!  I love the workouts, they are saving my life. I am happy to report many positive changes.  There is one thing that is so hard…. getting hurt…


I feel as if I am doing great with cardio;  my core, however, has put me down TWICE this month.  I may need a refresher course from the PT.  I am not one for white knuckling pain.  Fortunately for me, a GREAT team of physicians surrounds my every move!  Especially Dr. Smith, he is the absolute greatest! He helps me remember.  I have no clue how he does this, but it always comes back in his space.

Girls and guys…..working out and having a great body is fantastic.  Do yourselves a favor!  Do not go out and get all inked up.  It’s gross, and you will age, and it will look like wrinkly whatever!


Take it from the GREAT Dr. T, and judge crowd – you show your level of class by doing this!  They are also VERY expensive and painful to remove.  Ask DavisGains@embreyd….. I expect to get bashed on this one.  That’s ok!  Just my thoughts!


An idea comes to mind….way to late at night….but hey, these do not come often enough!!!

Short but sweet….

Imagine waking up and remembering things that you thought were lost forever?  This happened to me tonight.  I know this is way past my Sunday midnight duty, but a busy weekend was had.  If I have any hopes of finishing this book before 2016, I guessed I should just go for it.  For those that don’t know, this blog is just a peek at what’s to come.


When I was young I took life for granted and thought I would marry the man of my dreams, have children and become a wife and a mother.  When I actually became these things I wanted more.  I wanted a career, a business of my own, a life I controlled, and I proceeded on that path. I knew I needed a partner as ambitious as I was.  That didn’t happen until I met Dr. T.  I wondered how can this man who is so far past my age, intelligence and worldly wisdom want me?  Being so self-destructive at the time, I tried my best to unknowingly sabotage the relationship at every turn.  I was still young, wild, heart broken, and ill that I had no clue who I was.  I wish I could tell a story that it all came to me overnight and poof, like magic and impulsive desire.  It actually came after two and a half years of dating, and three years of marriage when my life was saved in every sense of the word.  Like tonight, I woke up.  After a pity party regretting all the time I had wasted, the going got tough and the fighter in me got going!

I’m writing this because my middle son at 18 is lost at love, and what he wants to do with his life.  After all the pressure and trying to control him and motivate him to decide what he was going to do with his life, I realized he’s just like me.  He’s actually better than me, because he admits that he just doesn’t know!  So now my outlook on it has changed.  I want him to find himself first.  I want him to strap on a back pack and be fearless in traveling into the unknown.  As many of you know, I had a struggle with an illness that didn’t have a name.  He doesn’t.  It’s a hereditary disease, he has been tested for and although he may be a carrier, the disease is not active in his blood.  This is such an amazing gift he has received but doesn’t fully understand the value of it.  My sweet dreams tonight, and my prayers are for him to spread his wings and fly!  He is a beautiful soul.  He wears his heart on his sleeve, like me.  Every mother wants the very best for their children, and I am no different.  I finally woke up and now I understand him.


What will I do with this new found knowledge?  What will I say?  For the first time in a long time, I’m not going to say anything.  I am going to listen.  Hopefully I won’t be alone in this.  His Father, my former husband, and best friend ironically opened his eyes at the same time I did.  I think our unbreakable bond that has been broken, and struggled over the years has returned and we are not alone in parenting anymore.  Better late than never.  Hopefully, in the words of a very wise woman who said to me about our sons,”the sibling bond between you and my son is important.  These brothers will forever be bound to us and through that bond wonderful things can happen”.

Perhaps that is the starting point.  Unconditional love, acceptance, and faith that will carry our very different boys, can also help us to guide them both back to each other and to learn from one another.  My mentor in business and in life always told me when you stop listening and learning you can no longer lead and will be forced to follow.  With both of us finally wake with our eyes wide open are doing this for ourselves.  Tomorrow is a new day, and a new beginning to love our son through this difficult time by listening, learning and when he comes to the fork in the road, love him even more so he will no longer be lost, and pick the right path.  We will cheer him on, and help pick him up if he falls down, like Saturday’s soccer game with his brother.  I’m sorry he wasn’t there to see it, but I would be willing to bet he heard about it and smiled.  That’s a start for me to begin to unveil who I really am, and without the mask, he will see the love I have for him and the tears of joy in my eyes.  I’m sorry I fell asleep for awhile, but I’m here now.  Let us both love you and hold you tight as we first started to the very second you were put in our arms.  We do love you so much, Cody.


That’s all I can do for now.

Writing boot camp for dummies….including myself!

There is no way to describe how hard of an experience writing this book has been.  It is forever two steps forward and two steps back.  As a former magazine publisher and current owner of a marketing company when I was given this opportunity I jumped at it!  I had studied several options such as self-publishing, getting signed by a publishing company or a combination of both.  Ultimately when I made it to the third interview with a reputation of solid publishing, unlimited marketing, a retainer, and all the bells and whistles I was so honored that I said, “sign me up”!


I have a unique story to tell about a hereditary disease that has plagued my entire life, and now at least I have some answers!  No immediate cures for me in sight, but answers.  My consulting firm was able to be successful because healthcare is a hot topic right now and coupled with my magazine, MD News, I was suddenly the expert that I knew nothing about!  A small obstacle, right?  In my mission to get answers about not only my body, I needed to find out what had happened to my mind.

This journey began Wednesday, March 26, 2014, with a trained Neurologist. I went through four hours of testing.  The results were given to me by a brilliant doctor who had studied my very complex medical history, and now my mind.  I remember sitting in his office thinking why does he now have a new female doctor in the room?


What I was about to hear was going to rock my world and I guess the female was there for additional support.  Without revealing too much I was told I had four different diseases of the mind.  As they began to explain why I feel and do the things I do, as well as clinical answers for short-term memory loss, I put my hands in my head and just cried.  I do not play the victim role well.  The Neurologist said he knew I had the means to take a year off, and for the first time in my 42 years make it my mission to find a plan with the help of a long time, very trusted primary care physician who had always been my centerpiece and juggled all the specialists I now require.  With only one child left at home to raise through High School maybe this was the right time.  I would like to tell you I jumped on it like white on rice, but I didn’t.  I was ashamed.  What would people think?  How can you keep the mask on to protect your husband, the love of your life, the man that recognized the symptoms and ultimately saved my life?  The blood disease was bad enough.  The horrific bouts of pain were bad enough.  The fact that every disposable part of my body had been removed was bad enough.  How could I go home and show him this report?


I really still didn’t understand all of it.  To me, it was like – Dear Dr. T we regret to tell you that your wife has gone crazy, but good news we now know what it is!!!!  I had to have a plan, so I just started writing.  Writing about how hard it is to laugh, smile, and be the person I am supposed to be without angry.  Oh, yes, I am furious.  I wanted blood from every surgeon that put me under the knife just to put a band-aid the problem and not find a solution.  I was mad as hell at my family for not putting on their thinking caps and questioning these doctors and surgeons as to why this keeps happening?  I was tired, exhausted in the interim of these surgeries at low blood levels and extreme fatigue, but I still did my job as a wife, a mother, a business woman, a big sister, and a daughter.  All these years I had blamed myself for being a procrastinator and lazy.  Looking back on it and in the positive words of the neurologist, I was a fighter, giving up cdd2A43was not an option, and with the use of only 30 percent of my brain I had accomplished a lot, and I was smarter than I ever dreamed I was.

Was writing a book really taking a year off?  Was being under the extreme pressures of deadlines, and red lined word documents taking a year off?  No, it’s not.  What plan could I put together to produce a schedule that would allow me a strict diet, a strict exercise routine, a strict rest period, and still raise my youngest son, be a good wife to the man I adore who does save lives in his career?  I still didn’t know.  However, my extensive background in pharmacy would be the first step.