Here comes the Sun! Slender Solutions By Stephanie is expanding!

We hit the Bridal Expo and rocked the house!

This inspired our Couples Challenge! Friendly competition with your Partner is fun right? Whether you are getting married, already married or just want to kick off a new experience in wellness, beauty, and body conturing? Come on down! We are offering great specials with amazing perks!

Shameless plug-

www.slendersolutionsbystephanieva.com

Happy Friday!

XOXO,

Mask of the Doctor’s wife

Today is Corey’s Birthday

This is a picture of pure love. My Brother and Sister were there to support my son Carter graduating from High School, and headed off to College.

Corey always came. He was always present and accounted for. He loved me, he loved my boys, his Daughter and our whole family. Today we miss him, and I am told the first Birthday after the passing is the hardest.

I had the strangest dream last night. There was this chain link fence, I had made it to the top, but I didn’t have the strength and energy to cross over the fence.

As I struggled to hold on, I felt my Brother saying, it’s OK to let go, you need to let go. Just please let go and live your life. He reassured me I wasn’t giving up on him or his memory, but rather choosing to live the life I had earned. The struggle has been too long, and would not lead me to a good place.

The love was so overwhelming I wanted to stay in the dream. Then I woke up. When the world is quiet, I’m going to learn to listen.

I love you Corey, we all do, and we will never forget you.

Sleep well. No more pain for you. You are in a good place, please keep showing up in my dreams.

Xoxo, the Mask of the Doctor’s wife

The ugliness of survivors guilt

I have survivors guilt. BIG TIME.

In 2011 my husband saved my life. He paid attention! He knew I was crashing, and constantly being hospitalized for bleeding episodes. He is not a Hematologist, but he is very smart, summa top class of his class smart. He worked the problem, and I am alive today to tell the story.

He loved me enough to go to any measures necessary to save my life. He rushed me to the hospital, he begged his partners, and about five different specialty doctors to evaluate me.

The result? A diagnosis. One that was long overdue. He didn’t know what it had done to me neurologically.

As of today, it has been 8 years, and three months. I have seen many specialists, a new hematologist at VCU, and a fantastic psychologist, that has helped my brain heal.  I have IV medication (Von Willebrand serum) on hand if I need it, and medication for the constant bruising, and I am better.  I kicked opioids in April of 2018.  Although they gave me some the evening of my Brother’s death (IV) because I was in the hospital, and had to return the next day.  I did not take a prescription home, and I will never ever take them again no matter how much pain I’m in. Those drugs make everything worse.  Furthermore, they were making me stupid!  We have to get these drugs off the streets, and Doctor’s really need to evaluate how long to give them after an episode.

What I do know, is when my Brother Corey passed, I thought it was my fault. I had the records that he gave me, and I also had the records that the Hepatologist had given my husband with my Brother’s consent. That was in May 2018. He died on September 9, 2018.

Why? My sweet Sister and my parents are convinced that it was his time. God had called upon him as their Angel, and it was simply his time. I want to believe this simple analogy. It’s easier to accept. I’m listening to the audible Bible and halfway through. John 11 gives the most comfort. I just won’t lie. Given this history in medicine, and now this new learning in religion, I’m still 50/50. Could I have done more to save him as was done to save me?

My husband says NO. He says one is truly hereditary, and medical (me) and one is bad luck, or maybe lifestyle. That still doesn’t make sense because he held the same job for 18 years!  he was so beloved by everyone he met.  He still hasn’t been replaced at his former job he was so smart. I am a Mom had almost always had the luxury of being my own boss.  Some really successful endeavors, and some just ok.  I just knew that I had no choice but to survive.  That’s difficult to do when you’re exhausted after 13 surgeries and 11 blood transfusions.  I will never forget my husband rushing me to the hospital the last time with a hemoglobin of 4, begging his Partners to help saying  I was crashing fast.  So many Doctor’s and nurses rushing around, and my husband was not about it let me die.  When things looked like I wasn’t going to make it, my husband called my parents.  They rushed to the hospital, and at this point, I was about to just give up.  I was so tired, and I was ready to call it quits.  At that moment, I saw my Mom rush into the room.  I felt so guilty that I had always worried them so with so much medical trauma, so many hospital stays. I remember looking up at my Mom and thinking I have to fight.  I have to survive.  I can’t quit.  Mostly because she probably would have killed me herself if I didn’t fight for myself! Suddenly, I could almost feel my arms and legs again, I was turning the corner to hold on, more blood was on its way and my surgeon was racing to the hospital for another emergency surgery to try and stop the bleeding.

It’s difficult to comprehend. It’s hard to know that my Brother was such a better person than me, kinder, gentler than me but due to economic circumstances I survived? So, guilt?  You think?  Yep.  I have been upsetting my family.  Not on purpose, but they really believe it was his time to go, and I need to just give it up to God.  They believe God needed another angel.  So, because I love them so much, I am going to do just that.  I’m still going to give back to charities, pay it forward, and start awkward conversations that are for the greater good, but I won’t make it personal.

From here until eternity. I am going to believe in my family, that loves me. A sister that makes me laugh at loud, a niece that fills my heart with joy, and my parents who need peace.   They deserve some peace. This is my last post about this.

The end.

https://./1SiylvmFI_8

Xoxo,

The Mask of the Doctors wife

A favor from the seasoned writers?

I have written my last blog on a certain topic, titled Survivor’s Guilt. How do I share it with you guys for your honest opinions before it goes out to the masses? Via my email list?

I am not a true writer. In the beginning I had a ghost writer, than an editor. I’m lost on this technology. Can someone tell me how I share it with you first? Angela? Anyone? Some help!

Happy Birthday my sweet Niece!

Sweet Sixteen!

We are all starting to heal, just a little bit!

My precious niece was given a new car for her sweet sixteen! I was happy and fine all through the dinner. When my niece opened the keys to the Jeep, I had to hold back my tears.

Most people don’t understand. As we were walking outside for her to see the new Jeep, it was difficult to keep my shit together! I could just feel my Brother. We are a Jeep family.

My parents, her Mom, and I had kept this secret. I even cancelled plans with her that week because I knew she would ask questions, and although I could lie, this girl see’s it all written on my face! She is a carbon copy of my Brother.

Although I appreciate my niece’s Mom thanking Gary and I for writing the check, it was unnecessary. The debt will be paid back shortly with the life insurance money. (Now, I just have to convince my husband to accept it) This gift was truly from her Father, my sweet Brother who provided for her, in life, in love, and in death. We all cling to her. She is all we have left of him.

Tonight, was a good night. Happily dosing off to sleep early. Happily thanking God it all worked out. Happy to have my family, and so much love.

As a friend texted me earlier me earlier in the week, “We have turned ashes, into something beautiful”. Corey’s celebration of life and fundraiser for youth like my niece is March 12, 2019. Corey’s Birthday is March 7th. A day we will never forget, and his beauty remains forever. Please join us.

For at risk youth, in honor of Corey

Thank you to the 62 emails, 43 texts, and all the love we have received. If you know our family, we pay it forward.

Xoxo,

Mask of the Doctor’s Wife

Sometimes, life and love gives you a little PUSH…

Thank you Corey!

Above is our families angel in Heaven…

Losing a loved one is a tragic loss. No planning, not a pretty Cancer death, just raw. Drug overdose. In the beginning I was just opening a new medical spa, lost in the river denial. Now, I see all the childhood demons. My parents are not to blame. Some very bright stars are meant to burn out earlier than others and that is God’s plan.

With grief also comes blessings. I got my Sister back. I got my niece, I got so much that he fearlessly gave. So much love, so much compassion.

So, with all the love in my heart, I give my Brother to heaven. Heaven needed a gift like you and I have to accept that.

God told me you were his angel. It’s never going to stop me from crying….but sometimes the music always brings comfort.

Two choices. Happy and somewhat happy you decide.

1. https://youtu.be/eH3giaIzONA

*Yes, I understand this is dated, but my Brother would have still danced with me. There is video evidence of this! 😊

OR

*** – This one is for Katie, she knows why, and for Daddy(Kenny, Tina, Willy and so many of Daddy’s favorites, a Father’s love for his son) bc he loves many of the singers and it’s just his Motto, therefore Corey would have loved it. Everyone knows this isn’t political, just a return to US.

#yourfavkait

2. https://youtu.be/M9BNoNFKCBI

Signing off, in LOVE,

The Mask of The Doctors Wife ❤️ – still mourning but surviving well. So, let’s end with this! Shine on, shine on!
https://youtu.be/4N-POQr-DQQ

#grief

#corey

#healing

#Apex

#love

#goodbye

#notgone

#sisters

#brothers

Today was awesome and tonight’s going to be a real good night!

I need my gorgeous niece to share the filter’s with me! It’s like magic!

My personal chauffeur ALL afternoon! I’m loving it. Driving lessons, no lie, totally awesome. She can drive my car better than ME. #nomailboxinjuries

Signing off, and enjoying some much deserved couch time with two special dogs.

TRUTH – This song was playing on the radio on the way home!

https://youtu.be/uSD4vsh1zDA

No mask tonight! Love life, everyday is chance for another chance!

Forgiveness for yourself? Is it true forgiveness or self gratification?

In the above picture, I am still wearing the mask, but NOT. I am truly happy most of the time. Do you forgive a toxic person for your own inner peace? Or is that selfish. These are the things I ponder.

My awesome happy, bear hug, positive, but calls me out on my own shit is not my biological Father. I still stand firm that blood doesn’t matter. He raised me. I am sure of his love with no doubt in my mind, but recently I have been praying about forgiveness.

My biological Father is a different story. I won’t shame him by name, but the childhood traumas are mostly gone now. How can I be one of God’s children without forgiveness? Maybe he will accept it or maybe he won’t. That part really doesn’t matter, I am doing it for me this time. Not because I want a relationship or because I need validation. I’m doing it because my eye’s are forever open of what I lived through and loved through in others. My Brother always loved me with all of his heart, he may not have always liked me or agreed with me but that is just life and the true nature of real love.

I feel a deep sense of conflict to this very day. I’m going to pray about it some more and then just give it up to the higher power that now guides me through this journey of grief, happiness, sadness, and early menopause! Ha!

Enjoy this week’s song. It is directly related to the walk we must all crawl…walk…and then RUN!

https://youtu.be/6X_C9E55CfM

OR…

https://youtu.be/LQeM3YCQh6s

This blog is dedicated to my Queen. Only she knows who she is!

Xoxo,

The Mask of the Doctor’s Wife…