A favor from the seasoned writers?

I have written my last blog on a certain topic, titled Survivor’s Guilt. How do I share it with you guys for your honest opinions before it goes out to the masses? Via my email list?

I am not a true writer. In the beginning I had a ghost writer, than an editor. I’m lost on this technology. Can someone tell me how I share it with you first? Angela? Anyone? Some help!

Happy Birthday my sweet Niece!

Sweet Sixteen!

We are all starting to heal, just a little bit!

My precious niece was given a new car for her sweet sixteen! I was happy and fine all through the dinner. When my niece opened the keys to the Jeep, I had to hold back my tears.

Most people don’t understand. As we were walking outside for her to see the new Jeep, it was difficult to keep my shit together! I could just feel my Brother. We are a Jeep family.

My parents, her Mom, and I had kept this secret. I even cancelled plans with her that week because I knew she would ask questions, and although I could lie, this girl see’s it all written on my face! She is a carbon copy of my Brother.

Although I appreciate my niece’s Mom thanking Gary and I for writing the check, it was unnecessary. The debt will be paid back shortly with the life insurance money. (Now, I just have to convince my husband to accept it) This gift was truly from her Father, my sweet Brother who provided for her, in life, in love, and in death. We all cling to her. She is all we have left of him.

Tonight, was a good night. Happily dosing off to sleep early. Happily thanking God it all worked out. Happy to have my family, and so much love.

As a friend texted me earlier me earlier in the week, “We have turned ashes, into something beautiful”. Corey’s celebration of life and fundraiser for youth like my niece is March 12, 2019. Corey’s Birthday is March 7th. A day we will never forget, and his beauty remains forever. Please join us.

For at risk youth, in honor of Corey

Thank you to the 62 emails, 43 texts, and all the love we have received. If you know our family, we pay it forward.

Xoxo,

Mask of the Doctor’s Wife

Sometimes, life and love gives you a little PUSH…

Thank you Corey!

Above is our families angel in Heaven…

Losing a loved one is a tragic loss. No planning, not a pretty Cancer death, just raw. Drug overdose. In the beginning I was just opening a new medical spa, lost in the river denial. Now, I see all the childhood demons. My parents are not to blame. Some very bright stars are meant to burn out earlier than others and that is God’s plan.

With grief also comes blessings. I got my Sister back. I got my niece, I got so much that he fearlessly gave. So much love, so much compassion.

So, with all the love in my heart, I give my Brother to heaven. Heaven needed a gift like you and I have to accept that.

God told me you were his angel. It’s never going to stop me from crying….but sometimes the music always brings comfort.

Two choices. Happy and somewhat happy you decide.

1. https://youtu.be/eH3giaIzONA

*Yes, I understand this is dated, but my Brother would have still danced with me. There is video evidence of this! 😊

OR

*** – This one is for Katie, she knows why, and for Daddy(Kenny, Tina, Willy and so many of Daddy’s favorites, a Father’s love for his son) bc he loves many of the singers and it’s just his Motto, therefore Corey would have loved it. Everyone knows this isn’t political, just a return to US.

#yourfavkait

2. https://youtu.be/M9BNoNFKCBI

Signing off, in LOVE,

The Mask of The Doctors Wife ❤️ – still mourning but surviving well. So, let’s end with this! Shine on, shine on!
https://youtu.be/4N-POQr-DQQ

#grief

#corey

#healing

#Apex

#love

#goodbye

#notgone

#sisters

#brothers

Today was awesome and tonight’s going to be a real good night!

I need my gorgeous niece to share the filter’s with me! It’s like magic!

My personal chauffeur ALL afternoon! I’m loving it. Driving lessons, no lie, totally awesome. She can drive my car better than ME. #nomailboxinjuries

Signing off, and enjoying some much deserved couch time with two special dogs.

TRUTH – This song was playing on the radio on the way home!

https://youtu.be/uSD4vsh1zDA

No mask tonight! Love life, everyday is chance for another chance!

Forgiveness for yourself? Is it true forgiveness or self gratification?

In the above picture, I am still wearing the mask, but NOT. I am truly happy most of the time. Do you forgive a toxic person for your own inner peace? Or is that selfish. These are the things I ponder.

My awesome happy, bear hug, positive, but calls me out on my own shit is not my biological Father. I still stand firm that blood doesn’t matter. He raised me. I am sure of his love with no doubt in my mind, but recently I have been praying about forgiveness.

My biological Father is a different story. I won’t shame him by name, but the childhood traumas are mostly gone now. How can I be one of God’s children without forgiveness? Maybe he will accept it or maybe he won’t. That part really doesn’t matter, I am doing it for me this time. Not because I want a relationship or because I need validation. I’m doing it because my eye’s are forever open of what I lived through and loved through in others. My Brother always loved me with all of his heart, he may not have always liked me or agreed with me but that is just life and the true nature of real love.

I feel a deep sense of conflict to this very day. I’m going to pray about it some more and then just give it up to the higher power that now guides me through this journey of grief, happiness, sadness, and early menopause! Ha!

Enjoy this week’s song. It is directly related to the walk we must all crawl…walk…and then RUN!

https://youtu.be/6X_C9E55CfM

OR…

https://youtu.be/LQeM3YCQh6s

This blog is dedicated to my Queen. Only she knows who she is!

Xoxo,

The Mask of the Doctor’s Wife…

Carter Jennings Dennis, your Mom loves YOU.

I haven’t talked about Carter in awhile. Afraid. He has fallen off the grid for a short period of time.

What I will say about my baby is he was taught how to be strong. We did everything in our power to help him see his own power. He will be strong and he will love with all of his heart! #someluckygirl

His Brother Cody! Cody is doing OK!

My youngest Son, Carter. A VERY powerful first name. Carter was given a very powerful name, bc #1. His Dad didn’t care as long as I made every choice. #2. I just knew my third would be so beautiful and make an impact on the world. So, his name. Carter (our family).

#3. Name, inherited by me though force/adoption was extremely meaningful to me at this part of my life! Carter was it. My very last love as he moved into #adulting! So scary, Carter has a disability. Not oversharing. But he was so special to me and his step-dad. We just wanted his life to be magical!

#stepdadthatloveshim

Picked out this belt while he was away at college, bc we loved and missed him so much. We we’re really grieving our last child leaving the nest..

This Blog is for you Carter. We only wish to see your happy smile when we show up #whereveryouareworking/. And to have that LOVE back, here comes my parents!! Yeah! They will eat and get me the food I want afterwards. We loved those moments. And there were SO many!

  • We LOVED all of our six children, and especially our four grandchildren. Brouwer’s recovery has been amazing. 🙏
  • Carter Jennings Dennis – we are all praying for you and hoping you make the very best choices out of life!
  • Finally, the end. Some music Carter and his friend especially Jacob and I shared! No I’m not Ms. Robinson, I just recalled music From my generation.

Let’s do this! One of my Princess’s favorite

https://youtu.be/Zi_XLOBDo_Y

Day 2 of HOT yoga and healing! Slowly climbing out of the hole of grief!

I’m not going to lie! Day #2 with very sore muscles was rough. I was afraid. PTSD….Blood disorder…would this slower strengthening my muscles spike a bleed? Was I asking for another bleed? The flow class was definitely harder, but you keep moving! Slower stretching yoga for bleeders, fear of the joint/muscle bleeds are so much harder. Somehow I have NO fear!

None of this matters…

If you make a promise to a girlfriend, it’s so not #girlfriendcode to be a no show. No way baby…I value my friendships so I’m IN!

The beginning meditation/prayer period is so cool! Candlelight, concentrate on your breathing and magically, dare I say it? It feels better than that 5:00 cocktail.

This was a much slower class than the night before but holding the poses that I haven’t achieved in a long time, however I made it! It takes a great deal of balance, and strength to do this. Thanks Mom for putting me in the ballet! #spotsomething and hold your pose. I’m going to brag, the handstand, legs fully up is really hard! I did it, and held it for what seemed like forever. #thankyoucorey, our angel in heaven.

This morning I weighed 3 pounds less. Can’t wait for tomorrow’s weigh in. Being a savvy girl whatever I didn’t burn off, I’ll zap with the Zerona in MY clinic tomorrow. #perfectplan! #totallycheating!

However you can too! Shameless plug-

www.slendersolutionsbystephanieva.com

In other news, my husband is learning how to unload the dishwasher. This is ground breaking news! I came home to…well, I can’t tell all the secrets. I will say the dishwasher was unloaded! #greathusbands

Also, I hired a fantastic young man for my social media, computer stuff, articles, editing, PR, and he is the real deal. For so many reasons that I cannot disclose. He does have a college degree, but more importantly he has hustle and refuses to take money from his Mom. His Father has not been with him for 9 years. He watched his Mom struggle so much after his death, he and his Brother wouldn’t dare ask for a dime, they needed to take care of her, the way she cares for them. #integrity. Way more important than any piece of paper. #brave

Finally, this mask of the Doctor’s Wife will be going at it again tomorrow night, even if it kills me. I won’t give up.

Spoiler alert…This woman is headed to a fabulous new location in a MOB. (Medical Office Building) next to one of our hospitals! I’m all in, and I won’t quit. If I fail, okay, but I know in #myheart that I gave it my ALL. #thankyoujesus

I don’t usually share these blogs to my personal Facebook page, but this time I am. #beingheldaccountable

Gal pals – cherish each other, cry with each other, cheer each other on, and love unconditionally! Dudes come and go. Girl friends #stay!

Dedicated to all friends, but especially Silly Sarah, she gave her soul to me when she saw me walking into my office crying in mid September. She didn’t have to stop and hug me, she didn’t have to put a “I love you” card on my car with deep sympathy for my loss, she didn’t have to help me repair a mailbox, or figure out eBay for stuff I needed. She didn’t say let me know if there is anything I can do for you. She just did, and I wasn’t afraid to accept it. #payitforward. #goodkarma!

Great Music! Inspiring!

https://youtu.be/b7k0a5hYnSI

Hot Yoga!

I did my first class of HOT Yoga which in Midlothian Virginia is centrally located next to the ABC store! Location…location! SMART! #greatmarketing

When you have no other choice to survive through a tragedy, what do you do? All answers apply when dealing with the sudden loss of a loved one. Not one is right or wrong but, I have personally done all of the below!

1. Work…Work…Work! Keeping busy keeps the blues away.

2. See the shrink every week! Mine believes my family could actually be Dr.Phil’s greatest challenge.

3. Drink Vodka with grape favored Sugar/calorie free Gatorade! Yummy! It’s a health drink. After the denial phase of grief, (no carbs) this is medicinal. #allthingsinmoderation. OR NOT. I’m capable of doing both.

4. Surround yourself with gal pals who understand. Not ones that are going to dismiss you or avoid the “ugly topic”. Seriously *uck those people who say it’s been five months, you aren’t over it yet? Well, he was my Brother for 38 years SO…. This will help you tremendously graduate to the ANGRY phase. I got lucky, my girlfriends have been amazing.

5. Work things out with your higher power, whatever that is! For me, back to bible study class. #truth #unbelievable, but still TRUE.

6. Exercise! Yoga can be so spiritual, I used to do it and I don’t know why I stopped! Grabbed my gal pal and went the local HOT yoga. The beginning of the class the mediation portion. I call it my prayer portion.

I’m going to share my prayer. God said it was OK, so here goes – Jesus, thank you for today, I praise you. PLEASE make me strong again. I will do the work I just need your guidance. If at all possible, let me feel my Brother giving my strength, cheering me on…”you go girl”…give me strength in my mind and body to be extremely strong for those around me that need me. I have commitments and I must honor them. Please bless my family, I am doing this as much for them as I am myself.

Second portion of HOT yoga is basically, well, *ell! But I made it through the intermediate class, and didn’t cry until the end, when we did the final mediation and muscles shaking, I made it!

Thank you Corey. Cold towel over my face, eyes closed, I heard you, I saw you. I felt proud. Tears of joy!

7. Self-care. Extremely important! Blog, journal, Xanax, sleep, get your hair and nails done! Buy something special for yourself. Never make a long to do list that isn’t achievable or you will feel worse. Only take on what you can really handle! Except that some days that may be nothing.

8. If you are married or in a relationship let that person help you and don’t feel guilty that your house isn’t perfect right now. Your husband/wife will understand.

Thank God for my husband. The November trip to Turks and Caico’s was bittersweet.

I love you,
https://youtu.be/KNZVzIfJlY4

Until next time the Mask of the Doctor’s Wife is getting her *hit together with a little help from her friends, and HOT yoga!