Embrace change. You need to get comfortable with this simple idea: The only thing constant is change. Instead of fearing it, embrace it.
Source: Thought of the day
Parent’s Just Don’t Understand (<–Click Here)
I guess I am just one of the parent’s that just doesn’t understand….Boys hit sixteen and all of the sudden that little boy who was always by your side is hiding on the other side of the mall terrified that he may be seen with Mom. However, my son MUST have the latest in fashion! I am apparently just supposed to hand my credit card over and say, “My credit limit is $15,00.00, now go get whatever you want?” What Mother in her right mind does this? So, we have settled out of court with on-line shopping, and he sends me the link of everything it is acceptable to buy. Not the greatest compromise for me! I miss the experience of going with him and waiting outside the dressing room while he throws things at me stating YES or NO! Okay, so maybe I really don’t miss it that much, but I enjoyed our time together.
This gradual coming of age as all teenage boys do, makes a Mom who is so desperate to hold on to that little boy cry tears of separation! What happened? It seems only yesterday he was following me into the bathroom and talking to me while I was drying my hair, now he is constantly in his room and I am no longer allowed to say certain words or phrases like, “Mom has game”. You know what I am sayin? He looks at me as if I had three heads and says, “Mom – don’t use slang!” Why the heck not? Who crowned him King of slang! I still have it “all going on”…I am referring to the half bag of chocolate covered peanuts I just ate, but he just doesn’t understand me! So basically I don’t understand him, and he would rather die than to even try to understand me. What’s a Mom to do? Embarrass that little brat! So, here is my music video an oldie but a goodie…so buckle up, and understand this!
Rules You Must Live By! (<–Click Here)
Because…Because…Because…I said so! I’m the Mom that is why. You will Thank me for this when your grown. Well, maybe you won’t actually thank me but you will appreciate not becoming homeless!
XOXO to Carter, LOVE – MOM (Yes, I hope this is highly embarrassing)
Heck yes Heidi! Five, six, and seven are GOLD girlfriend! Potentially, not in that order for me…but still 100% TRUE!
I’m not saying we should reinvent the wheel, at some age we all know what our gifts are and figure out how to use them so we are the happiest at what we do!
I also recommend diversify, diversify, diversify – You never know where the biggest payoff is, and the word payoff may have an entirely different meaning in your forties!
Check out the preview below or click here to read more!
1. You’ll reinvent yourself after college.
You’ll reinvent yourself for the first time when college finishes – when your community packs up and moves on and perhaps you do as well. You’ll find yourself at a sudden loss as to how to define yourself – the dreams you had for someday are suddenly the dreams you’re expected to live up to today and the pressure of it all becomes crippling.
You’ll learn during this time that anything worth having takes patience. You’ll learn which people you can trust, which skills you can fall back on and which parts of your personality are pervasive enough to make things happen when the rest of the stakes are down. You’ll learn to be both a more humble and more courageous version of yourself moving forwards.
2. You’ll reinvent yourself after a breakup.
You’ll reinvent yourself the first time you lose the person…
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Thank you Kim Quindlen, my life “Defined”, minus the traditional office!
Check out the preview below, or read more here!
1. You have a decent job, and you’re good at it. You work hard every day, and you always feel a sense of accomplishment when you leave the office.
2. But in addition to your sense of accomplishment, you also leave the office with a coffee stain somewhere on your outfit, papers spilling out of your bag, a phone that’s at 3% because you left your charger at home, and your coworker shouting at you because you left your ID badge on your desk again.
3. You’ve mastered the art of showing up to work looking put-together, but it’s only because you usually skip breakfast, you own dry shampoo, you put your clothes on while you’re still half-wet from a shower, and traffic has been on your side lately.
4. Your wardrobe would have a fighting chance, if half the crucial pieces weren’t missing at all times – under…
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Standing to my left is my oldest son and he IS what saved me. Drew Barrymore screams in this movie, “When will this job ever be over?” The true answer is NEVER. You will always want to take care of them as the Mother no matter how much you fight it and no matter how many times you tell yourself to let go. For me it just won’t happen. We are like the Titanic! I will never let go, and they won’t either. The bond between a Mother and her son is so huge if you think about it too long your heart may explode.
Comparing this movie in my blog is so ironic considering I am writing a book about it, well sort of about it. Watching this clip made me think back to how hard it was then, but yet I survived! I have it pretty cushy now and sometimes you have to push the reality check button!
When I started down this book journey I thought I would never make it to the end and here we sit just two short chapters away. I re-read most chapters every other day, I tweak them, I revise, I make changes to the flow of the story. It’s alot like life itself. We are constantly checking ourselves trying to improve, wanting to be better, healthier, and stronger. The love inside grows more everyday, and we constantly find ways to give more of ourselves to the people we love most. For me I am happy to be somewhat crossing the finish line, but a little sad as well. It has been a wild ride! Like raising kids and having a family – it’s pure hell while you are doing it, but once you get close to the end you feel sad? Insert LOL. What the heck is wrong with us? I should be putting my party hat on! Instead, I’m looking at baby pictures of my youngest knowing he too will be off to college soon since he is approaching his junior year in High School this fall! Did I just say that about my baby? Crap! Bring on the Valium! I cannot even think about it for long or I start to panic! WTF? Seriously!
Men. Father’s have it so easy! Damn them. This is all their fault! They are so laid back about it all. Bye son! See you in four years! How do they do it? They are constantly giving the wife the eye roll when she breaks out the kleenex, like, oh please, it’s just another day, you will be fine! Admit it…Sometimes you just want to hit them over the head with a baseball bat and scream WAKE UP! Feel something dammit! I think they do. However men have shared their wives with kids for a long time and when it comes time for the couple to be the focus of life they are really looking forward to it. HA! No one tell my husband that it is NEVER truly over for me. I have been doing this since I was nineteen years old and I just don’t know any other way. I am however WILLING to give it the old college try….perhaps the Bahama’s after we drop Carter off at college….sipping on a pina colada….wait, maybe it won’t be so bad! I can picture it….Just BREATHE.
The Mask of the Doctor’s Wife…
Below are the definitions, Thank you Mr. Webster!
I have learned it is better to be a BITCH in this life and say NO to everyone and anything. It seems this is where we are headed as a society anyway. Look out for number one, make no real connections, and save all your cash for YOUR rainy day and screw helping out your fellow-man. This really makes life more tolerable because then you can build up a tolerance towards empathy, and sympathy towards anyone! That way you NEVER have to hear the second part of the vocabulary lesson which is, “You’re too sensitive”. You won’t run into this problem because you never really gave a crap in the first place, and can just move on with your day!
The Bitch does not have to worry about the problems of others, she cares for no one but herself. The Bitch does not have to give back to society or charity because what have those people ever done for her? The Bitch gets to point out all the problems with the world, discuss politics, (She doesn’t have to be accurate bc she isn’t a contributing member of society anyway) and any of her other problems? Easy. It is ALWAYS someone else’s fault! What a great life.
Now, the sensitive girl….Whoa….This girl has problems. She actually cares about the world around her. She actually takes self-improvement to heart because she wants to be a better person! She will do self inventory and attempt to right her wrongs. She will help you with your charity event, give money, and be present and accounted for. The really bad part about the sensitive girl is if you hurt her, lie to her, manipulate her – she bleeds. She really takes it hard which is a shame because the Bitch won’t care. In fact, the Bitch will say it’s all her fault for expecting people to be kind, generous, and that she just has too high expectations. She is just “TOO sensitive”! She didn’t need to become “involved” in the first place, so she brought it all on herself.
If you are actually buying any of this, I have some really great land for sale. I know nobody’s perfect, and I do understand that even people with the greatest intentions make mistakes. We are all human. Why can’t we just own it? You can keep your back story, and tell it the way you want it, but in moving forward isn’t it better to know you worked hard at something? Isn’t it better to know you really cared for someone? I tend to believe that I would rather be the girl who is too sensitive any day! This does not mean I have to allow people to walk all over me, and I will get to a point that I will cut loose the Crazy and the Toxic…however…This also means that I get to tell people who are full of crap – have a nice day, and walk away knowing I gave it my all. So, bye to the Bitch; sensitive girl just played her last hand and the “handouts” are OVER. Find someone else to abuse because you are just SO COOL that you can. For awhile anyway, the Bitch almost always gets caught! 🙂
Mask of the Doctor’s wife…..
Define “Sensitive” –
I highly recommend using caution while reading this blog! If you are a sexy, confident woman like the one above – you are going to love it!
I have completed a few of my new courses and the the healing part of my therapy. Wow, it feels so good! Great to be in control of my mind, body, and spirit! Great to feel the love of EIGHT very close girlfriends (you know how you are) and a loving husband who has tolerated so much during this progress. Great news, Chapter nine is officially approved, and I am working on a deal with Kindle as we speak.
Some advice for taking on such a journey! ( kids, go to bed)
1. Fuck anyone who says you can’t do it. You can! It will become obvious soon and they will feel like idiots (probably already are) for doubting you!
2. I am a very kind, generous person that gives to other freely, some people say they are, but ask them what charity, or their close family, what matters the most have they have either donated their time or money to, and I would guess the answer is zero! We all have these family members or friends that we have given to time and time again. They do not value it! The buck stops here. If they owe you money? Easy, take out a warrant in debt. These are not charity cases, they have the ability to pay, you are just on the bottom of their list! Take back YOUR power and serve that warrant to their employer, they know it’s coming, and you know you are not okay with the way it was to be handled! Especially if they are not invested in a building a REAL relationship with you. They are users and need to learn the hard facts of life. The time for being the doormat is OVER.
3. You are a good person! You may have made 100 mistakes in the past, but you strive for self improvement everyday. STOP trying to prove anything to anyone. Those that really love you will go out of their way to show it! Those that don’t prove they need the wake up call, and it is up to you to give it to them! Bounced checks? Unpaid loans, broken promises….They do not care about you, they are not interested in real healing, they think of number one and it’s about time you did too.
4. In my case of abuse and neglect. Forgive those that hide behind their excuses. Just forgive them and move on. Practice doing what you say and saying what you mean, This is so important and it separates the bullshitters from the doers! The pain will be a constant battle, but one that can be won given the right tools in your toolbox. The Gaslighting of them turning around the story to make you the bad guy is OVER.
5. People who like to revise HISTORY, you are okay in your own skin. No anxiety or panic attacks here. Let them tell their side, chances are you were a mere child (in my case) so let them say what they will. You are not everyone’s cup of tea, and that is okay. Who is? Do you like you? That’s all that matters and you gave up trying to control others a long time ago. Ever heard the phrase, ” win some, lose some?” Be okay with it! you will sleep very well at night! I know, I do!
6. Finally, be that gorgeous blonde, brunette, or whatever you are. There is no one else like you, nor will there ever be. Love that about yourself. That is truly the key to every worthwhile relationship! Eight close girlfriends is okay, a wonderful husband who always has your back even better, three beautiful children that need you to teach life’s lessons are the icing on the cake.
aka…..The Mask of the Doctor’s Wife
There comes a time in everyone’s life when they need to decide if it is worth it to have certain people in your life. Some people are toxic for your recovery, whatever it is that you are recovering from or possibly in life in general. How to spot them, eliminate them from your life, and be okay with the network that gives you the most support even if it is only a handful. If you are no longer in High School, you no longer need or have the time to keep up with two hundred of your closest friends. If you have a real life with family, children, and co-workers, now might be the right time to cut the fat!
Evaluate who in your life is most important to you. If you are married, obviously your spouse should be at the top of the list, remembering to put yourself first. Your children are always going to come in second, even if they are grown, they will always be close to your heart, and although you may not support them in the way they would like, you still love them with all of your heart and hope they will come around if they are experiencing problems. Even with your adult children there does come a time that you show them unconditional love, listen to them, and respect them for who they really are. There also comes a time when you need to close your wallet, and just keep your heart open. This may sound harsh, but the reality is they will benefit from standing on their own two feet! The feeling of independence is a great thing, and all of us have to learn to find our own way in this world.
Natural GIVERS BEWARE! If you are like me, and the type of person that is there for everyone, has a soft heart and always wants to try to help others at a certain age a DANGER flag should start waving! Neglecting yourself is the worst possible thing you can do for yourself. Your own health, stress levels, appearance, and everything you really care most about will suffer. I was recently given some GREAT advice by a physician I really trust. I had told him that I was eliminating toxic people from my life, and only focusing on myself and those that I value the most. He immediately smiled at me, clapped his hands and said, “GOOD!” I think he was shocked to hear me say such a thing, and he was delighted to hear it! He then said, “During this time of navigating through your blood disease and getting your health in TOP order, live in a bubble and take care of yourself and your family with such care that the bubble doesn’t burst!” Obviously, my reply was that I am writing a book and that makes this task fairly hard, it seems if some people suffer from big fish little pond syndrome and everything I write is questioned! Many of the people in my life have texted, emailed, called, and sent smoke signals asking if this blog was about them! (I do have to laugh at this because you could read any article and pull out certain things that MAY apply to you. Many people who suffer from medical illness will pour over the web with symptoms and convince themselves that they have a certain disorder because five out of the ten symptoms match up!) My physician’s response was shocking and freeing at the same time. He replied, “Without YOU, none of the other things in your life will work. Can you see that?”
I came home and really evaluated what I had been told. What he said was really true and I had suffered through too much stress brought on by people who had made me they’re dumping ground, and somehow responsible for fixing their problems! There is a huge difference in a friendship that goes both ways, and a friend who gets angry when you do not do exactly as they want you to do. If certain people cannot value you as a friend without making you their personal problem solver, then as I have said before, “This is a YOU problem and does not involve me!” I don’t know when I lost sight of that phrase, but I am taking my power back and will start using this again!
If someone does genuinely owe you a debt. It could be money or it could just be owning a promise – DO hold that person’s feet to the fire! Accountability is huge in any relationship and letting it slide may cost more than the debt, it could cost your self-worth.
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If ALL else fails, remember Carly Simon and listen to this song –
-Mask of the Doctor’s Wife