Forgiveness for yourself? Is it true forgiveness or self gratification?

In the above picture, I am still wearing the mask, but NOT. I am truly happy most of the time. Do you forgive a toxic person for your own inner peace? Or is that selfish. These are the things I ponder.

My awesome happy, bear hug, positive, but calls me out on my own shit is not my biological Father. I still stand firm that blood doesn’t matter. He raised me. I am sure of his love with no doubt in my mind, but recently I have been praying about forgiveness.

My biological Father is a different story. I won’t shame him by name, but the childhood traumas are mostly gone now. How can I be one of God’s children without forgiveness? Maybe he will accept it or maybe he won’t. That part really doesn’t matter, I am doing it for me this time. Not because I want a relationship or because I need validation. I’m doing it because my eye’s are forever open of what I lived through and loved through in others. My Brother always loved me with all of his heart, he may not have always liked me or agreed with me but that is just life and the true nature of real love.

I feel a deep sense of conflict to this very day. I’m going to pray about it some more and then just give it up to the higher power that now guides me through this journey of grief, happiness, sadness, and early menopause! Ha!

Enjoy this week’s song. It is directly related to the walk we must all crawl…walk…and then RUN!


This blog is dedicated to my Queen. Only she knows who she is!


The Mask of the Doctor’s Wife…

Carter Jennings Dennis, your Mom loves YOU.

I haven’t talked about Carter in awhile. Afraid. He has fallen off the grid for a short period of time.

What I will say about my baby is he was taught how to be strong. We did everything in our power to help him see his own power. He will be strong and he will love with all of his heart! #someluckygirl

His Brother Cody! Cody is doing OK!

My youngest Son, Carter. A VERY powerful first name. Carter was given a very powerful name, bc #1. His Dad didn’t care as long as I made every choice. #2. I just knew my third would be so beautiful and make an impact on the world. So, his name. Carter (our family).

#3. Name, inherited by me though force/adoption was extremely meaningful to me at this part of my life! Carter was it. My very last love as he moved into #adulting! So scary, Carter has a disability. Not oversharing. But he was so special to me and his step-dad. We just wanted his life to be magical!


Picked out this belt while he was away at college, bc we loved and missed him so much. We we’re really grieving our last child leaving the nest..

This Blog is for you Carter. We only wish to see your happy smile when we show up #whereveryouareworking/. And to have that LOVE back, here comes my parents!! Yeah! They will eat and get me the food I want afterwards. We loved those moments. And there were SO many!

  • We LOVED all of our six children, and especially our four grandchildren. Brouwer’s recovery has been amazing. 🙏
  • Carter Jennings Dennis – we are all praying for you and hoping you make the very best choices out of life!
  • Finally, the end. Some music Carter and his friend especially Jacob and I shared! No I’m not Ms. Robinson, I just recalled music From my generation.

Let’s do this! One of my Princess’s favorite

Day 2 of HOT yoga and healing! Slowly climbing out of the hole of grief!

I’m not going to lie! Day #2 with very sore muscles was rough. I was afraid. PTSD….Blood disorder…would this slower strengthening my muscles spike a bleed? Was I asking for another bleed? The flow class was definitely harder, but you keep moving! Slower stretching yoga for bleeders, fear of the joint/muscle bleeds are so much harder. Somehow I have NO fear!

None of this matters…

If you make a promise to a girlfriend, it’s so not #girlfriendcode to be a no show. No way baby…I value my friendships so I’m IN!

The beginning meditation/prayer period is so cool! Candlelight, concentrate on your breathing and magically, dare I say it? It feels better than that 5:00 cocktail.

This was a much slower class than the night before but holding the poses that I haven’t achieved in a long time, however I made it! It takes a great deal of balance, and strength to do this. Thanks Mom for putting me in the ballet! #spotsomething and hold your pose. I’m going to brag, the handstand, legs fully up is really hard! I did it, and held it for what seemed like forever. #thankyoucorey, our angel in heaven.

This morning I weighed 3 pounds less. Can’t wait for tomorrow’s weigh in. Being a savvy girl whatever I didn’t burn off, I’ll zap with the Zerona in MY clinic tomorrow. #perfectplan! #totallycheating!

However you can too! Shameless plug-

In other news, my husband is learning how to unload the dishwasher. This is ground breaking news! I came home to…well, I can’t tell all the secrets. I will say the dishwasher was unloaded! #greathusbands

Also, I hired a fantastic young man for my social media, computer stuff, articles, editing, PR, and he is the real deal. For so many reasons that I cannot disclose. He does have a college degree, but more importantly he has hustle and refuses to take money from his Mom. His Father has not been with him for 9 years. He watched his Mom struggle so much after his death, he and his Brother wouldn’t dare ask for a dime, they needed to take care of her, the way she cares for them. #integrity. Way more important than any piece of paper. #brave

Finally, this mask of the Doctor’s Wife will be going at it again tomorrow night, even if it kills me. I won’t give up.

Spoiler alert…This woman is headed to a fabulous new location in a MOB. (Medical Office Building) next to one of our hospitals! I’m all in, and I won’t quit. If I fail, okay, but I know in #myheart that I gave it my ALL. #thankyoujesus

I don’t usually share these blogs to my personal Facebook page, but this time I am. #beingheldaccountable

Gal pals – cherish each other, cry with each other, cheer each other on, and love unconditionally! Dudes come and go. Girl friends #stay!

Dedicated to all friends, but especially Silly Sarah, she gave her soul to me when she saw me walking into my office crying in mid September. She didn’t have to stop and hug me, she didn’t have to put a “I love you” card on my car with deep sympathy for my loss, she didn’t have to help me repair a mailbox, or figure out eBay for stuff I needed. She didn’t say let me know if there is anything I can do for you. She just did, and I wasn’t afraid to accept it. #payitforward. #goodkarma!

Great Music! Inspiring!

Hot Yoga!

I did my first class of HOT Yoga which in Midlothian Virginia is centrally located next to the ABC store! Location…location! SMART! #greatmarketing

When you have no other choice to survive through a tragedy, what do you do? All answers apply when dealing with the sudden loss of a loved one. Not one is right or wrong but, I have personally done all of the below!

1. Work…Work…Work! Keeping busy keeps the blues away.

2. See the shrink every week! Mine believes my family could actually be Dr.Phil’s greatest challenge.

3. Drink Vodka with grape favored Sugar/calorie free Gatorade! Yummy! It’s a health drink. After the denial phase of grief, (no carbs) this is medicinal. #allthingsinmoderation. OR NOT. I’m capable of doing both.

4. Surround yourself with gal pals who understand. Not ones that are going to dismiss you or avoid the “ugly topic”. Seriously *uck those people who say it’s been five months, you aren’t over it yet? Well, he was my Brother for 38 years SO…. This will help you tremendously graduate to the ANGRY phase. I got lucky, my girlfriends have been amazing.

5. Work things out with your higher power, whatever that is! For me, back to bible study class. #truth #unbelievable, but still TRUE.

6. Exercise! Yoga can be so spiritual, I used to do it and I don’t know why I stopped! Grabbed my gal pal and went the local HOT yoga. The beginning of the class the mediation portion. I call it my prayer portion.

I’m going to share my prayer. God said it was OK, so here goes – Jesus, thank you for today, I praise you. PLEASE make me strong again. I will do the work I just need your guidance. If at all possible, let me feel my Brother giving my strength, cheering me on…”you go girl”…give me strength in my mind and body to be extremely strong for those around me that need me. I have commitments and I must honor them. Please bless my family, I am doing this as much for them as I am myself.

Second portion of HOT yoga is basically, well, *ell! But I made it through the intermediate class, and didn’t cry until the end, when we did the final mediation and muscles shaking, I made it!

Thank you Corey. Cold towel over my face, eyes closed, I heard you, I saw you. I felt proud. Tears of joy!

7. Self-care. Extremely important! Blog, journal, Xanax, sleep, get your hair and nails done! Buy something special for yourself. Never make a long to do list that isn’t achievable or you will feel worse. Only take on what you can really handle! Except that some days that may be nothing.

8. If you are married or in a relationship let that person help you and don’t feel guilty that your house isn’t perfect right now. Your husband/wife will understand.

Thank God for my husband. The November trip to Turks and Caico’s was bittersweet.

I love you,

Until next time the Mask of the Doctor’s Wife is getting her *hit together with a little help from her friends, and HOT yoga!

I’m taking back my life…

I’ve given in love to so many, in love, despite others thinking I was earning my “Girl Scouts badge, just for recognition”. It was easy for me, right? Do people have early

Dementia? How do I have all these photos and memories?

Oh right, I Just pull out my checkbook…(alright, money helps but let’s just be real here people). I am only one person. I am just one person. My son Embrey is simply awesome. He just doesn’t know it. He will. I know he will find his heart again.

My LOVE Cody!

Carter, my youngest son, my LOVE. Every fish you and Gary ever caught is on Facebook, every trip, every dinner, and everything. #soloved

Thank God for my husband Gary Taylor!

Love is love, my nieces Mom celebrates with me. #terriblehairday

My niece Katie. She is so beautiful! Tuesday is NOW my favorite day of the week!

The crease is bc it’s in my wallet forever…I got to see him fall in love…
My younger Brother! He always gave more than he received. His heart finally broke from his gifts, it’s tragedies like this that remind us to #payitforward

I opened a new business, officially on September 1st, on the 9th day my only Brother died.
Just do it! If you have never failed, you haven’t really tried!
It’s so true!

I’m a grandma again! X4!!! Awesome!!! Welcome home Precious baby girl! Thank You to my wonderful inherited family. #dan&ginger. You mean the world to us. You too #sam&jamestaylor❤️

And finally, you just have to take back your life! We never forget, we still grieve, but the beautiful memories remain. There are SO many. The heart never forgets, and the love remains.


Your life is yours that God has given to you is a gift! Be who you are, live who you are…never be ashamed! It’s a gift!

***Disclaimer – video is at the bottom! Where is the damn Geek Squad? I mean really…

Seriously, without Corey Carter we need to hire someone! Apply within for remote control problems, computer hacks, smart houses run by stupid people (I speak for my husband Gary & I), and cell phones!

I still believe we can all love each other. ❤️

#lizcouch#sydneycarter#embreydavis#codydennis#carterdennis#yourfavkait#garytaylor#richardcarter#jacobcouch #matthewcouch


#emotionallynaked#annemossrogers#jennniferbowyer#sillysarah#nikkicabbinass#donnazocco#annesimmons#wendilverman#loriewilliams#lesliewright#ToniArabell#toomanygfstomention. I love you all!❤️

Click below bc I don’t know how to embed anything and as stated earlier…well, without Corey, we may all be going off the grid!

This is my personal song after nearly losing my crap today, bc a song came on the radio that Corey and I shared. I quickly changed the channel as not to lose my crap in front of my Princess, made it through dinner, dropped her off safely and then UGLY cried until this song came on….. Thank you Corey, I needed that kick in the ass that only you could give so sweetly.


No mask, just ME – as I am! I’m liking what I see.


Life is for the living…

Take the time to smell the flowers.

Welcome Scan

Two months and five days ago my families world stopped.  Yet, beautiful memories remain, and life slowly moves you forward.

This is hard stuff, we want desperately to go back, to watch the video memories.  So, if it’s one of those days that you just need peace, watch the video but keep facing forward.

Some on Corey’s greatest hits!

This is the Corey I know

The sunlight feels good again, and getting out and JUST doing what you can every day is the only way through it.  You just are, and you just must do it.  It’s the only way to rejoin the living and smell some flowers along the way.

I have learned it’s important to just let the waves of grief come, that freight train is probably still coming around for a while.  Then something odd happens, it’s not so bad, in some ways it has taught a valuable lesson.

Romans 8:28

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

My Brother is a beloved angel, and I now feel it’s okay to move on some.  He is with me in spirit, and he would want to see me living my life.  Easier said than done, however, we are all trying, hoping, and embracing positive change and unconditional love.  This is how it is written and at one point in my life, I believed God was no longer listening to me.  Time to change my tactics and instead of speaking, I am listening.  Listening with true intention.  This is a game changer.

My husband and I leave on a long-awaited vacation early tomorrow morning.  With any luck, I’ll be laying on the beach in the sun by 2:00pm.  We have both crawled, limped, and added crutches to get to this point.  We need time alone together, the to-do list needs to stop, we just need to LIVE and not worry about if the tears will come, just accept that they will, and then move on to the early morning Bloody Mary.  There is a God.

I would like to thank my countless girlfriends for holding me up.  I would like to Thank Anne Moss, Donna, Nikki, Wendi, Nichole, Katie and many other family members for listening to my GUT cry, without knowing how to help me put together my heart again.  My parents always prove to be so strong.  I was grateful for this but mourned for them anyway.  Sometimes the act of doing helps when there is nothing else to change an impossible situation.  Thank you, Jennifer, for reminding me that God is listening and helping me turn down the chaos and noise inside my head.  That was truly a remarkable gift, I think it’s what saved me.  Thank you to everyone else who dragged me along and refused to accept NO as my answer.


This is US.  My loving husband has carried me a long way.  Our time together has become like a valuable commodity, this is my BIG takeaway, my big gift – finally time alone together.  I can already feel the sand on my feet, and the neverending love in my heart.  It grows more with every passing day.  #marryakeeper

Healing…Slowly…Do I feel guilty for laughing?

Yes. I feel guilty for every moment I get to enjoy, and my Brother is not here.

This is my niece. I’ve always wanted a girl to spoil. This girl is quite amazing. She shares my Brother’s DNA and she has a very cool Mom.

I may have never known this. I was so busy with my boys, that I forgot to see the gorgeous niece that was left for me, and her Mom. She is bright, smart, talented, she picks out the best shoes and makeup a girl can ask for. What makes her so special? That’s a hard one. She is everything my Brother was. However, she has a strong Moma that despite her mourning a deceased husband, father of her child, and she is coping and raising a great girl! I am privileged to see this happening.

Thank God. I thank him everyday for all of the gifts that have been given to me. I pray for our family. I pray for healing, and past arguments to be forgotten. We only have this one life….Let’s live it. Hell, let’s LOVE it!

Obviously, nothing is ever complete without a Billy Joel.

Thank you for listening ….

Still wearing the mask…perhaps it may come off soon, but for now…

The Mask of the Doctors Wife 😅

I love my younger Brother, I will always love my Brother…He passed suddenly on September 9, 2018


Grief….It really hurts every second of every day.  Sometimes I can get through the day without crying.

I’m really angry.  I really don’t want for this to be true.  Some days, if I didn’t have work, I would rather just curl up in a ball and mourn.

He touched so many people’s lives with his happiness, jokes, tricks, and overall loving spirit.  I’m angry because I just don’t feel it was his time to go.  He worked at the same company for 18 years as head of their IT department.  He was always available to help anyone who needed it.  He was a natural giver.  Every time something was wrong with my computer, cell phone, or remote control he would take my call and solve the problem! He loves his nephews and even let my son who was going through troubled times live with him.  He gave money to others when he really didn’t have much to give.  He showed me love, and compassion sometimes when I didn’t deserve it.  Being 8 years older than him and 7 years older than my Sister, it made me the Mom sometimes.  I now wish I had never complained about babysitting.  I wish I had held on to him tighter.  Tough to do with such a free spirit but I should have tried.  The guilt is overwhelming.  My husband is a Doctor, why didn’t we notice what was going on?  Like most families, I guess you just pray that your gut is wrong.  Probably my family won’t like this, but here goes, we have to talk about this.

He experienced with heroin, a bad batch that was laced with fentanyl. Five deaths occurred in a 48 hour period because of this.  Virginia is the only state that does not grant immunity for the person that dials 911.  Although I am very angry with this person and believe she does need to be accountable, that’s hard to do when you are using yourself.  If she had called 911 right away maybe his life could have been saved.

My fifteen-year-old niece lost her Father, my sister and I lost a Brother, my Mom and Daddy lost a son. My boys lost the best Uncle who always made time for them. This is the cruelest punishment.  Knowing I won’t see him this Thanksgiving or Christmas is absolutely unbearable to think about.  We are a happy, close family and now we are no longer complete.

The system has got to change.  This anxiety-ridden society that is keeping Americans overworked, overstressed, and self-medicating just to get through it all needs to change.  But, how?  By talking about it.  By educating our children this new stuff coming into our country is not the weed we smoked in high school.  Just beg your children not to try it.  Tell them if they died, the whole family will forever be changed.  Ask them the hard questions and become a detective to look for the signs.  Stalk their cell phone and social media if you have too.  Protect them, it’s your job as a parent.

My whole body is in pain.  Grief will do that to you.  I LOVE MY BROTHER TODAY AS I ALWAYS WILL. I refuse to let his memory die. The music below may seem inappropriate but it was the song that was playing when I saw him REALLY happy.

I gotta feeling that tonight’s going to be a good night

Love is what you make it!

I love my new independence!

The great thing about opening something that is your own is that everything else appears so small. Men appreciate this because it’s less about what they can do for your you, and what you can do for yourself!

Little does he know, his money is your money, and my new money is mine. (For the new girls, this is your hero, he won’t care).

What he does care about is YOUR happiness? The keepers will always cheer you on! This is my case! Shameless plug –! It gets better, I am making money hand over fist! Why? #girlpower, that exceeds your wildest dreams! Woman want something to believe in, and I deliver that! My last client just lost 10 inches. WOW! I have figured this stuff out.

Just putting that out there! Keep in touch with me!

Just do it! Let me zap that belly. You will be very satisfied! No doubt! Call me! 💋804-901-7300.