Life is for the living…

Take the time to smell the flowers.

Welcome Scan

Two months and five days ago my families world stopped.  Yet, beautiful memories remain, and life slowly moves you forward.

This is hard stuff, we want desperately to go back, to watch the video memories.  So, if it’s one of those days that you just need peace, watch the video but keep facing forward.

Some on Corey’s greatest hits!

This is the Corey I know

The sunlight feels good again, and getting out and JUST doing what you can every day is the only way through it.  You just are, and you just must do it.  It’s the only way to rejoin the living and smell some flowers along the way.

I have learned it’s important to just let the waves of grief come, that freight train is probably still coming around for a while.  Then something odd happens, it’s not so bad, in some ways it has taught a valuable lesson.

Romans 8:28

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

My Brother is a beloved angel, and I now feel it’s okay to move on some.  He is with me in spirit, and he would want to see me living my life.  Easier said than done, however, we are all trying, hoping, and embracing positive change and unconditional love.  This is how it is written and at one point in my life, I believed God was no longer listening to me.  Time to change my tactics and instead of speaking, I am listening.  Listening with true intention.  This is a game changer.

My husband and I leave on a long-awaited vacation early tomorrow morning.  With any luck, I’ll be laying on the beach in the sun by 2:00pm.  We have both crawled, limped, and added crutches to get to this point.  We need time alone together, the to-do list needs to stop, we just need to LIVE and not worry about if the tears will come, just accept that they will, and then move on to the early morning Bloody Mary.  There is a God.

I would like to thank my countless girlfriends for holding me up.  I would like to Thank Anne Moss, Donna, Nikki, Wendi, Nichole, Katie and many other family members for listening to my GUT cry, without knowing how to help me put together my heart again.  My parents always prove to be so strong.  I was grateful for this but mourned for them anyway.  Sometimes the act of doing helps when there is nothing else to change an impossible situation.  Thank you, Jennifer, for reminding me that God is listening and helping me turn down the chaos and noise inside my head.  That was truly a remarkable gift, I think it’s what saved me.  Thank you to everyone else who dragged me along and refused to accept NO as my answer.

mother-425804_1920

This is US.  My loving husband has carried me a long way.  Our time together has become like a valuable commodity, this is my BIG takeaway, my big gift – finally time alone together.  I can already feel the sand on my feet, and the neverending love in my heart.  It grows more with every passing day.  #marryakeeper

Chapter 5 is an approved wrap!

tulips-1511854_1920.jpg

How many of you have had to re-live things in your life that were OK, good, great, terrible, horrifying, and yet you might feel like maybe you were your best self during some of that time?  If you can’t handle it, don’t write a book because you will re-live it!  As a young mother of two, when my oldest was in school, my toddler and I would paint, make chair rails with wall paper border, cook, clean, and plant tulips all over the yard.  We lived on a quaint ranch where wild flowers grew abundantly, and the tulip bulbs from Holland made our house look like a fairy tale.

toys-1269328_1920.jpg

Yes, I did cook.  They may not have been the greatest meals, but I cooked them.  Enrolled my middle son in a Catholic preschool, went to soccer games, stopped at the 7 for a slippery! (aka 7eleven Slurpee)  Young love is fragile, and you are always guessing and wondering if the fairy tale you had always dreamed of was present.  One day I will never forget, I was giving the baby a bath – he LOVED the bath.  He was always splashing and loved the duck wash cloth.  So, needless to say, I looked like a mess with hair everywhere, drenched with water and baby wash when my first love walks in.  He looks at our baby and looks at me and says, “God you’re beautiful“.  I remember turning to kiss him, thinking he never comments on how I look when I try, but here I am a wet mess and this is the moment?  If I could talk to that young girl again, I would tell her life is filled with moments.  Some moments that can seem so simple, are actually the glue that holds everything together.

man-1461448_1920.jpg

Do I regret making the choice to leave?  No.  I think you can experience things for a moment, awhile, or a life time.  The knowledge that comes with it helps you make better life choices next time. Or you could know deep inside that there is a part of you that will always need to be a little wild, a little free, and the right person will respect that about you.  That’s real love to me.  Acceptance of the good and bad, whether right or wrong.  This is your hero.  He will save you every time, love you, understand every part of you.  He will make everything okay.  He will help you figure out who you really are, which is the greatest gift of all.  Then it will be okay for our princess to put the mask back on once and awhile. After all, who doesn’t love a little mystery?