Two months and five days ago my families world stopped. Yet, beautiful memories remain, and life slowly moves you forward.
This is hard stuff, we want desperately to go back, to watch the video memories. So, if it’s one of those days that you just need peace, watch the video but keep facing forward.
The sunlight feels good again, and getting out and JUST doing what you can every day is the only way through it. You just are, and you just must do it. It’s the only way to rejoin the living and smell some flowers along the way.
I have learned it’s important to just let the waves of grief come, that freight train is probably still coming around for a while. Then something odd happens, it’s not so bad, in some ways it has taught a valuable lesson.
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
My Brother is a beloved angel, and I now feel it’s okay to move on some. He is with me in spirit, and he would want to see me living my life. Easier said than done, however, we are all trying, hoping, and embracing positive change and unconditional love. This is how it is written and at one point in my life, I believed God was no longer listening to me. Time to change my tactics and instead of speaking, I am listening. Listening with true intention. This is a game changer.
My husband and I leave on a long-awaited vacation early tomorrow morning. With any luck, I’ll be laying on the beach in the sun by 2:00pm. We have both crawled, limped, and added crutches to get to this point. We need time alone together, the to-do list needs to stop, we just need to LIVE and not worry about if the tears will come, just accept that they will, and then move on to the early morning Bloody Mary. There is a God.
I would like to thank my countless girlfriends for holding me up. I would like to Thank Anne Moss, Donna, Nikki, Wendi, Nichole, Katie and many other family members for listening to my GUT cry, without knowing how to help me put together my heart again. My parents always prove to be so strong. I was grateful for this but mourned for them anyway. Sometimes the act of doing helps when there is nothing else to change an impossible situation. Thank you, Jennifer, for reminding me that God is listening and helping me turn down the chaos and noise inside my head. That was truly a remarkable gift, I think it’s what saved me. Thank you to everyone else who dragged me along and refused to accept NO as my answer.