I love my younger Brother, I will always love my Brother…He passed suddenly on September 9, 2018

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Grief….It really hurts every second of every day.  Sometimes I can get through the day without crying.

I’m really angry.  I really don’t want for this to be true.  Some days, if I didn’t have work, I would rather just curl up in a ball and mourn.

He touched so many people’s lives with his happiness, jokes, tricks, and overall loving spirit.  I’m angry because I just don’t feel it was his time to go.  He worked at the same company for 18 years as head of their IT department.  He was always available to help anyone who needed it.  He was a natural giver.  Every time something was wrong with my computer, cell phone, or remote control he would take my call and solve the problem! He loves his nephews and even let my son who was going through troubled times live with him.  He gave money to others when he really didn’t have much to give.  He showed me love, and compassion sometimes when I didn’t deserve it.  Being 8 years older than him and 7 years older than my Sister, it made me the Mom sometimes.  I now wish I had never complained about babysitting.  I wish I had held on to him tighter.  Tough to do with such a free spirit but I should have tried.  The guilt is overwhelming.  My husband is a Doctor, why didn’t we notice what was going on?  Like most families, I guess you just pray that your gut is wrong.  Probably my family won’t like this, but here goes, we have to talk about this.

He experienced with heroin, a bad batch that was laced with fentanyl. Five deaths occurred in a 48 hour period because of this.  Virginia is the only state that does not grant immunity for the person that dials 911.  Although I am very angry with this person and believe she does need to be accountable, that’s hard to do when you are using yourself.  If she had called 911 right away maybe his life could have been saved.

My fifteen-year-old niece lost her Father, my sister and I lost a Brother, my Mom and Daddy lost a son. My boys lost the best Uncle who always made time for them. This is the cruelest punishment.  Knowing I won’t see him this Thanksgiving or Christmas is absolutely unbearable to think about.  We are a happy, close family and now we are no longer complete.

The system has got to change.  This anxiety-ridden society that is keeping Americans overworked, overstressed, and self-medicating just to get through it all needs to change.  But, how?  By talking about it.  By educating our children this new stuff coming into our country is not the weed we smoked in high school.  Just beg your children not to try it.  Tell them if they died, the whole family will forever be changed.  Ask them the hard questions and become a detective to look for the signs.  Stalk their cell phone and social media if you have too.  Protect them, it’s your job as a parent.

My whole body is in pain.  Grief will do that to you.  I LOVE MY BROTHER TODAY AS I ALWAYS WILL. I refuse to let his memory die. The music below may seem inappropriate but it was the song that was playing when I saw him REALLY happy.

I gotta feeling that tonight’s going to be a good night

Love is what you make it!

I love my new independence!

The great thing about opening something that is your own is that everything else appears so small. Men appreciate this because it’s less about what they can do for your you, and what you can do for yourself!

Little does he know, his money is your money, and my new money is mine. (For the new girls, this is your hero, he won’t care).

What he does care about is YOUR happiness? The keepers will always cheer you on! This is my case! Shameless plug – http://www.myzerona.com! It gets better, I am making money hand over fist! Why? #girlpower, that exceeds your wildest dreams! Woman want something to believe in, and I deliver that! My last client just lost 10 inches. WOW! I have figured this stuff out.

Just putting that out there! Keep in touch with me! Slendersolitionsbystephanie@gmail.com.

Just do it! Let me zap that belly. You will be very satisfied! No doubt! Call me! 💋804-901-7300.

The phones are ringing, and my everyday excitement is amazing!

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This post is for women over forty!  Not that I am 40?  Nope still celebrating my fifth anniversary of 39.  

Shameless plug #Slender Solutions, located at 13817 Village Mill Drive, Suite M Midlothian, Virginia 23114! Check it out!

My new wake up time is giving me the “happy dance”!  What’s really crazy is I used to gear my sleep schedule around my husband.  If he worked the night shift and didn’t get home until 12:00am I stayed awake for him.  If he didn’t get up the next day until 10:00, or okay maybe noon, I slept in or quietly answered emails on my phone, but I stayed by his side.  My business back then was basically on autopilot and with just one teenager left at home, it wasn’t that big of a deal to be basically just the wifey and the Mom.

Now, that the business is retail, although by appointment only, I cannot sleep past 7:30am!  I can lay there and toss and turn or I can get up and get moving.  As long as I don’t wake up the sleeping King, it all works out!  My to-do list brain is in full guilt mode if I don’t get up and get to it!

This is making me very happy to have the luxury to help inspire others and give back to the people that helped me out when I started my crazy entrepreneurship back in 2003!  It’s nice when a client comes in, shares their goals and what they want to achieve. I can actually help them get there.  This is putting a smile on my face every day, and suddenly the little things I used to worry about really don’t cross my mind much.  Is my house still spotless?  NO.  Ask me if I still care?  Not really, this OCD perfectionist is becoming quite chill…thanks to the new business, girlfriends, and Xanex!  A winning combo if you ask me.

I know my kids have to be happier, even if they say they’re not, LOL…talk to me again after you turn 30.  I am no longer obsessing and over-parenting grown adults!  Yes, folks, I have overcome diversity.  You didn’t read that wrong.  I was overcoming adversity much earlier in life, but the switch has flipped and I’m just not going to feel guilty about it.

I haven’t added the music in awhile…So given these blessings, you will have to bere with me –

Can anyone hear me? Emotionally naked.

Why am I writing this?

I am sharing a very personal story, hopefully to help the people who are too afraid to try.

Ever heard of the phrase, “if you have never failed, you have never tried”? It’s SO true. Sticking your neck out and trying something new is so scary! Why would I choose to share my fears? I want to help people feel empowered, and sometimes, you just have to fake it until you make it. You just do…

No matter if you had the worst childhood or the very best, everyone gets scared at their next reinvention. We will ask ourselves, am I good enough? Do I deserve good things and happiness? The answer to the above is always YES. We are God’s children put on this beautiful earth to make a difference!

Above is a picture of me and my new grand-daughter. It was scary, I was full of worry…would the baby be ok? Would my step-daughter be ok? I didn’t sleep the night before our flight to go and welcome this child. Turns out Mom and baby are absolutely perfect! You see, I am secret OCD perfectionist. I worry about others sometimes more than myself, because my internal worries are SO scary!

I have recently, 20 days ago created a new business with a big loan! If you are anything like me, you forget your past success, you forget how you survived when others would have easily given up. You forget that you have gone down this path before. Some with huge success, some just OK, and some an utter disaster! The good news is I survived. I always have. Sometimes a near perfect childhood isn’t a blessing, sometimes it makes you stronger in a way that no one else can really understand.

I have a new medical weight loss spa…shameful plug #slendersolutions. Many have asked, why? Here’s why. I was blessed something in that no so great childhood, a fire, a perseverance, a good old fashioned…get up, dust yourself off and fight another day! That’s why!

I could tell a sad story, and more than likely at some point I will, but first, always first…Be brave enough, believe in yourself enough to try. What’s the worst that could happen? People at home aren’t sitting around judging our new Facebook page! Delusions of grander aren’t my thing.

What is my thing? The love a great man, loving my kids despite them running for their lives, and making people feel happy! Proud of what they have accomplished against all odds, when most would have given up! This #girlfriendcode runs deep.

So, in closing my girls – be bold, go where others are afraid to go, work hard, and most of all put yourself first! Just do it. It could change your life!

Humbly,

New business owner, but still the mask of the Doctor’s wife…

For my oldest, best friend and my God Daughter….

This is a story about true friendship that has lasted over 34 years, and why these childhood girlfriends are the BEST of all.

The picture above was taken two weeks ago. My greatest friend gave me the gift of coming and staying at my house for the whole weekend with my God Daughter. She is a crazy person having another baby at 40!! Or so I thought. Jemma is a beautiful girl and so lovely, it brought back great memories of being physically, happily tired, but not emotionally exhausted as they grow up.

We did haircuts, nails, Chuck E. Cheese (we loved the ski ball!), movies, great dinners, and WINE!

We remised about high school fun/torture, told funny stories, laughed and even cried. To all women out there – please listen to me! I’m so proud of her and all of her accomplishments, and she is so proud of mine. These are not sugar coated but said with real value. The #girlfriend code is so real and so sacred. We are like vaults for each other! No secret will ever be told. No jealousy, no “one upping” each other – EVER! It is the perfect combination of history, love, and something that should always be respected. It’s so special when it was time for them to leave, I felt sad.

I think women as we get older forget these cardinal rules of friendship, and even still believe you have to still have 500 close friends like in your twenties. That’s just crap! As we age, life is complicated, we have so much responsibility with family etc., that we forget Sister time is so important to our souls.

Husbands, boys, guys, and dude’s they come and go! True girlfriends stay. They are happy for your greatest days, and mourn for your bad ones.

Feel blessed if you have such a person in your life! Even if you now live 100 miles apart, a text, a phone call is a must. Sharing days events, crazy days at work…whatever it is…just talking to your best gal pal fills your heart like nothing else can.

Nikki, this is your snobby, too chatty friend letting you know that I love you. I will always protect you and your girls. I’ll help bury the dead bodies of anyone that hurts you. I’ll help you celebrate anyone that lifts you up. Always.

Your best friend, partner in crime, and STILL the mask of the Doctor’s wife…

Saturday Morning Musing…

We are off to the races!  Saturday morning arrives and everyone scurries for the “to do list”!  UGH…So easy for my husband – hit golf balls, work out, run errands?  College boy is off to work (THERE is a silver lining), and Mom?  Well, I’m going to make the bed, drink coffee, and then I’m going to blog, work, exercise, finish the to do list I didn’t finish from last week?  Sigh…Say the hell to all of the above and go to the pool?

This is about as interesting as watching paint dry…Fear not it gets better!  I am opening another new business!  Yep, I’m risking it all for the sake of sanity and will actually be a retail spa/store owner in a few weeks to come.  Only a HUNDRED things on THAT to do list, but hey, we all know my parents did not raise a quitter!

I have decided to make my menopausal Momas as thin as they were before childbirth or at least get the belly back in a two piece bathing suit!  Why did I decide to do this?  Hummm….Empty nest syndrome?  I’m reinventing myself?  All of the above but MOSTLY because I went through the process myself, had amazing results and decided I could do it better, and less expensive than my so-called competition!   I also really enjoy happy women that feel good in their skin, no matter what age or life circumstance has led them into putting themselves FIRST.  More details to come along with a grand opening….hint…go to : www.myzrona.com

The picture above shows my sexy Medical Director.  I like him a lot!

Happy Saturday,

The Teaser aka still The Mask of the Doctor’s Wife

 

Kiss your son Goodbye, with the same love that you kissed his Father goodbye.  Circumstances different, the outcome is still the same.

Imagine –  bring a young girl full of life’s possibilities and at 19 years old she has a baby on her hip saying Goodbye to his Father.  Imagine it, you are a single parent.  I haven’t written about him in a long time because it has no relevance to today’s events, but a scar still remains.  Obviously, that girl was ME.  He told me a tale of the short term plan being with the air guard and having just graduated from college and then a short air force stint to become an Officer and then we were free for him to fly as an airline pilot!  Wow, was I excited!  Until your guy, my guy believes he is the real deal and let’s go full time AirForce baby!  Wow.  AirForce pilots are mainly stationed in one place, great for a family right?  Except NO, the AirForce deploys mainly of their pilots TDY.  For those that don’t know, it’s temporary duty assignment…aka….Your guy is gone, he has decided AirForce/Country over you.  It is an unstoppable, unspeakable, and lonely existence .  Especially for you are a very young Officer’s wife/Mother, it doesn’t matter what you or the baby need.  I’m not trashing our AirForce, or any of the other military community.  In fact, I applaud any other wife/husband that can knowing give over your spouse.  But more importantly your child.

The boy you raised by yourself, wants to be like him.  In my worst nightmares, I can tell several scenarios.

1.  Your child comes in as normal from community college, but a bit earlier and you say, “where were you?” – I dropped out of classes Mom, and I’ve joined the Army.  “WHAT????”  Infantry division Mom.  (After being peeled off the floor) my husband says, it’s probably for the best, he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life.

So, let Afganistan kill him?  (I’m not clear on the months that followed or even much of his class graduation, except Pilot Dad is posing for pictures with the young man I raised.)

Next I remember going to Hawaii to spend a week and then he would be off within days of us.  I remember being present, but I wasn’t.  Anything to distract myself of what was actually about to happen (I think I read 2 books in 4 days). He was thinking I was distracted, he never knew how terrified I was, it was time to pull back and let him to it.  He takes us the the Airport (big suprize, pilot Dad never shows?). Step-Dad always there – every milestone – driving, girls, pot, friends, graduation – step-dad is always there.

The agony of a Mother’s heart gets worse.  Her baby boy, her youngest is about to leave the nest.  All you can think of is that little precious boy that would fall asleep while snuggling with you and dog on the couch.  You have more pictures on your phone of that than anything.  The innocence, that great pure love, and a blonde headed boy who trots home from school everyday.  He laughs, he smiles, and your entire world is forever changed.  

It no longer matters that you didn’t get to be free, to be young, to be irresponsible.  You just are.  That young blonde boy heals your heart of so many things.  You nursed him through a bad day at school, through a cold, through his first heart break by a girl.  Your heart breaks too because seeing him cry is worse than death.   Then he starts getting acceptance letters to college.  It’s all happening all over again.  As a Mother, you want them to succeed, you want them to have the best life.  You are financially stable, educated, and have a wonderful husband.  This husband although he has done so much work as well, still doesn’t feel in his heart what you do.  Even biological Father’s do not understand the torture of another love to move on.  That is the curse of having all boys.  In the end another woman gets them.  By this time you have forgotten who you are as a person.

Where is that once footloose girl who wanted so many things?  She did accomplish many things, but the future of what to do next remains unclear.

It’s something to think about.  My boys will surely know this is about them.  I adore all three.  The last to leave the nest stings the most.  This is the natural evalution of life, the circle of life where Mom waits in the middle.  She loves you so.  

Humor is the best medicine! 🍾💃😄😂

Ever wonder why people say “LOL” or “LMAO”, because they are!  Laughter is truly the very best medicine I can offer!  So in that spirit let me share some giggles.

1.  I often go upstairs several times a day and wonder, “What the hell did I come up here for?”  Only to go back downstairs remember and go back up!  If this were an Olympian sport, I would WIN, hands down, no contest.

2.  The constant inner conflict that resides between doing what you want to do or what you HAVE to do.  Most times my WANT wins!  Why?  At the age of 44 what could possibly happen by NOT doing the “have to”.  Why?  I am a grown f*cking adult?  What is the worst that could happen?  They are going to take my Birthday away?  No worries, DONE.  Aging goes against my personal policy anyway.

3.  Dealing with people who either don’t get it, refuse to get it, or are trying to prove a point to me?  BIG “LOL”!  You have obviously mistaken me for someone else.

4.  Teenagers and grown children-  ” The words because I said so have never been more appropriate”.  You are the parent, it’s your castle so rule it.  If you have raised them right, and I am sure you have….see rule #2.  The same applies.

5.  Husbands.  They are great men to be loved and respected.  Keep telling them that until they believe it and your world just got a whole lot better.

6.  If you are a savvy woman, do not let your looks fall down the toliet.  Do it for you first, your husband second, and thirdly because the “plumber” masked as a divoce attorney is messy and expensive.

7.  Personal growth and happiness is not expendable.  Keep going, never appear defeated even if you are at the moment, keep moving forward.  Never let them see you sweat.  You are a winner on the inside, if you don’t believe it at first try, keep on trying.  Never underestimate the power of your world.

8.  Pay it forward.  So VERY simple.  If you were offered the kindness of others, simply repay it.  I promise it comes back 100 times.

9.  Laugh lines can be expensive with Botox!  Keep doing it anyway, both are worth it.

10.  We all have “those people” who will doubt you, question you, and try to pull you down like two people drowning.  Save yourself first.  Until you know you, there is no way possible to help others.  Would those people save you?  Most will not.  This is not High School anymore…surround yourself with those that will help you bury the dead bodies.  They are your true friends.  They are the friends that while sitting next you in jail, will look at you and smile while saying, “Damn that was FUN!”

Have a blessed day!  -Mask of the Doctors Wife

So you had a bad day…Think of the goodness…Husband, children, grandchildren and of coarse…DOGS…


The pictures above are obviously of my family, and I am blessed to have them all.  Now, having said this …. Doesn’t it piss you off royally when you just need a day to re-group and Johnny Sunshine says,”cheer up, look at all you have to be grateful for!”  It does for me.  I want to look at that person and say,”yes, I obviously am blessed – however – I forgot to take my f*cking happy pill today!”  It’s just one of those days.  

I had to parent my youngest child today!  Absolutely hate the pain of having to do that.  He is a good kid, but he made a mistake and needs to learn from it!  I think mine actually knows very well how hard it is for me.  His POWERS go something like this, he gets angry and storms off.  I give him time but HOLD my ground.  About an hour later, he will come to me and say I love you Mom and you were right.  I’m not sure anyone can possibly understand how much this means to me.  It really does mean something to raise a young man who will become a great man.  By great, I mean his morals are in fact, he has empathy for others, he’s kind, sweet to girls that one day become women and he will be a great husband!  He’s laid back and doesn’t have to stress too much because he knows the difference between wrong and right and will use those tools to become successful and happy.  

My full time parenting will come to an end as he enters his senior year of High School and then is off to college!  It makes me cry a lot.  It makes me do a happy dance a lot!  Only Mom’s understand these are some very complex emotions.  Throw in menapause and you are a ticking time bomb!

So, I had a bad day.  It won’t kill me, I’m the survivor.  Born that way.  The Cat with nine lives who will land on her feet no matter what!  All phrases I’ve been told, and I couldn’t agree MORE.  Happy HUMP day!

Aka….the mask of the Doctor’s wife….

You can still be a wife, Mother, and employee…The trick is learning when it’s time to just let your body relax.

The above women are strong, powerful, lovely, unique and kind.

Free your mind, listen to these remarkable women

#LetGo  Click the link below!

The above women are strong, powerful, lovely, unique and kind.

Free your mind, listen to these remarkable women.

I hope that you can see this video. I still cannot watch it without crying. So inspirational!

How many of us feel that we are stretched too thin, over stressed, and simply cannot complete being perfection that is required of us women today. How many of us are sleep deprived? How many women do you personally know right now that is trying to accomplish such astronomical goals, that they fear we are losing ourselves?

In this day in technology, women are charged with huge “to do lists”. I would like you to take a minute and write a “what not to do list”. I am in no way suggesting that we give up our power or equality. What I am saying, is that women are still the center of the family. We still want to serve our husbands, and engage with our children. We need to cut back our lists and take time to enjoy the life we are living right now.

Life is so short. Take the time to love yourself, love others, and simply just BE.

#LetGo

ST- aka Mask of the Doctor’s wife

Credit goes to the #LetGo campaign started in the U.K.